
Hot on the heels of the domestic trailer that came out yesterday, Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter now has an international trailer. Whereas the American version was mostly slow-motion and fire, this one provides more plot and voiceover and Dominic Cooper (though it still has plenty of slow-motion and fire, don’t you worry about that). Cooper plays Henry Sturgess (to Ben Walker’s Lincoln), who’s apparently a vampire who gives Lincoln’s secret vampire diary to the book’s narrator.
I still have a hard time getting past the fact that a story about Abraham Lincoln hunting vampires takes itself this seriously and isn’t comedic at all, but at the very least, its success should help pave the way for my script, “William Howard Taft, 10-Dicked Werewolf Raper.”
You’re probably thinking, “but wait, who has the 10 dicks, Taft or the werewolves?” That, my friend, is what we call “the twist.”



I can’t wait for this hipster shit to go away. You see Vince its super ironic that its a terrible action movie. Don’t you get it?!
How is this “hipster shit”? I think it looks fun and the director has wowed me with some of his past work. This looks cool.
You mean the giant hat and facial hair aren’t supposed to be funny?
The joke is that the movie got made at all.
I can’t wait to see how they re-invent the lore. “Garlic! Crucifixes! A stake through the heart! Oh yeah and axes. But only if wielded by a President!”
Good thing Daniel Day Lewis isn’t in this one. Dude is a method actor and shit.
Also, if, at some point, he takes off his giant hat and fills it with holy water, I’m sold.
If there’s no vampire sex in it, there’s a big built-in audience. Some would say an extra, extra large audience.
They lost me at Abe Lincoln and they lost me again at Tim Burton. If Danny Elfman did the music I’d only see this in a theater if my date was John Wilkes Booth.
I hope Abe has a fixie horse, meaning his riding crop is constantly in use as long as the horse is moving.
I don’t understand why people hate this movie? Playing straight is the way to go with this one people!!! Besides, if it does well then we will see “Sense and Sensibility and Sea Monsters”, “Pride and Prejudice and Zombies” and “Android Karenina”! And compared to Transformers 4 is a breath of fresh air.
If by fresh air, you mean wet farts, then we are on the same page.
I can’t wait for Judas, vampire hunter next.
Well besides that, Mrs. Lincoln, how was the movie?
I’ll wait for Douglas MacArthur, Pterodactyl Wrestler.
Wait, are the werewolf dicks twisted?
Are a bunch of vibrating silver bullets in your movie?
Alan Tudyk as Stephen Douglas, people. ALAN TUDYK!