"Yo, girl, I said leave the sticker on!"

Someone asked me if any good movies were coming out this weekend, and I confidently answered no. There was a crappy, derivative rom-com (The Vow), a crappy derivative Denzel Washington movie (Safe House), a crappy derivative 3D re-release of the second worst Star Wars movie, and whatever you call that one where The Rock rides giant bees (Journey 2). Amazingly, the lowest-grossing of these four (Star Wars) earned $23 million. For comparison, the top grosser last week was Chronicle (which was actually good) with $22 million. Meanwhile, C-Tates’ amnesia joint with MC Adams earned FORTY-ONE MILLION. I have no explanation for any of this, except that we’ve been punk’d by reality.

The Vow beat out Dear John (ANOTHER C-Tates joint, which opened with $30.5 million a few years ago) for the biggest Screen Gems release ever. It was also the sixth-highest February debut, and the third highest for a romantic comedy behind Valentine’s Day and Hitch.  The audience was 72 percent women, 55 percent under 25, and probably 100 percent with wet panties from that mumbly dreamboat C-Tates, the new wigger-king of America’s box office.

"Hay, girl."


Also, I’ve made C-Tates into a centaur, which I’ve dubbed the Chantaur.

This Week
 Last Week Title
 Studio Weekend Gross % Change Theater Count / Change Average Total Gross Budget* Week #
1 N The Vow SGem $41,700,000 - 2,958 - $14,097 $41,700,000 $30 1
2 N Safe House Uni. $39,300,000 - 3,119 - $12,600 $39,300,000 $85 1
3 N Journey 2: The Mysterious Island WB $27,550,000 - 3,470 - $7,939 $27,550,000 $79 1
4 N Star Wars: Episode I – The Phantom Menace (in 3D) Fox $23,000,000 - 2,655 - $8,663 $23,000,000 - 1
5 1 Chronicle (2012) Fox $12,300,000 -44.1% 2,908 +1 $4,230 $40,167,000 $12 2
6 2 The Woman in Black CBS $10,300,000 -50.7% 2,856 +1 $3,606 $35,456,000 - 2
7 3 The Grey ORF $5,080,000 -45.4% 2,801 -407 $1,814 $42,822,000 $25 3
8 4 Big Miracle Uni. $3,900,000 -49.7% 2,133 +4 $1,828 $13,200,000 $40 2
9 8 The Descendants FoxS $3,500,000 -23.1% 1,581 -457 $2,214 $70,729,000 - 13
10 5 Underworld Awakening SGem $2,500,000 -54.6% 1,657 -979 $1,509 $58,900,000 $70 4

[via BoxOfficeMojo]