For those of you who thought the 2010 film The Tooth Fairy, starring Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson, was a little too Mr. Nanny and not enough Delta Farce, you’re in luck. Because on March 6, Tooth Fairy 2 is going to sock you in the jaw with hilarity, as Larry the Cable Guy will don the wings of the second greatest lie our parents ever told us. At least I assume that you were all told that Wilt Chamberlain was your real father, too.
The long-awaited sequel stars Larry the Cable Guy and… *stares blankly at full cast list on IMDB* some other people in the story of a – stop me if you’ve heard this before – hapless, immature redneck who tells a poor child that the Tooth Fairy doesn’t exist, and is punished by becoming the new Tooth Fairy. Perhaps the trailer’s tag line explains it best:
He didn’t ask for it… He wasn’t expecting it… And he’s not prepared for it.
So true. So incredibly true.
While I could use hundreds and probably thousands of words to break off into a rant that explains how the existence of this film – even while only as a straight to DVD production – depresses me beyond the point of sanity, I believe that this young child’s face sums up my reaction better than my words ever could…
Well put, young man.
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Hay boeh, how come you got teefs and sleeves? Iffin’ ah dittin’ know no better, ah’d say you was a little faggit, er somethin’.
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“So many purdy mouths, so little time!”
My daddy tol me the toof fair was a dentis in San Francisco. He put ya under with laffin gas an you wake up wit yer britches unbuttoned.
Redneck Tooth Fairy puts a small cross with “Choose Lahf” written on it under your pillow.
Or better yet: “Chews Lahf”
Oh, come on! It’s so obvious. 2th Fairy. They totally goofed.
Totally toothed, even?
Hiring Larry the Cable Guy meant the filmmakers had to cut out all references to wisdom teeth.
And teeth.
Redneck Tooth Fairy pays extra for teeth that fit in his head!
Ain’t no such thing as a “tewth brash”, boiah! Teef ain’t got no hair – what would you be brushin’ ‘em fer, ya dhangus!
Hey everyone, listen up. He’s getting paid, and we are not.
Redneck Tooth Fairy flosses with his rattail.
Redneck Tooth Fairy has a #3 tattooed on his wings.
Is it just me or did Larry remind you of a pedophile when he was standing in that little girls closet trying to drug her.
” I’m the gatdanged Tooth Fairy, your honour…I weren’t gunna “git-r-dun”
I’m still not sure if Dan Whitney wakes up laughing or crying because of stuff like this…
I like to think he always starts his day holding a loaded pistol in his mouth but.. just…can’t…do it.
One day Whitney, one day.
If you have to use yer special amnesia powder after a talk with yer sister… you might be a redneck tooth fairy.
Business must be boomin’ for a redneck tooth fairy, what with all the meth mouth and all.
Based on a true acid trip.
‘He didn’t ask for it… He wasn’t expecting it… And he’s not prepared for it.’
Tag line, or one of the most poignant quotes on the mans career? You decide America.
Do rednecks have tooth fairies? What does he leave under the pillows, “Dale Forever” bumper stickers? Dairy Queen coupons?
Yes. The redneck tooth fairy leaves NASCAR memorabilia.
It’s not a coincidence that the amount of NASCAR memorabilia one has is inversely proportionate to the amount of teeth they have.
You didn’t ask for it… You wasn’t expecting it… And you’s not prepared for it.
There. I fixed the tag line. And yes, that is how it should read.
Redneck tooth fairy leaves a pouch of Red Man to help get rid of the rest of “dem perksy teef”
Fitting.
manwall.com
Sooo…. I want to make fun of a new movie starring Larry, but that seems like an exercise in redundancy.
I have seen bit of this movie before as my daughter watched it several times on netfli, but it never hit me so hard as the bit i saw as the fat redneck snuck past the parents up the stairs to their sleeping daughters bed while dressed as a pink fairy… ? uf.. wtf comes to mind. I here about films all the time being homo-errortic, but this is pedophile-orotic .. I mean come on some fat redneck sneaking in to kids rooms at night dressed in pink while they sleep.? seriously. Who ever wrote and produced this flick should be scrutinized for a “Freudian slip” fantasy manifestation. It sends a wierd f-ed up message to kids that is alright for some redneck moron to be hiding under their bed at night waiting for them to fall asleep so they can slip’em a “goody” then he hits them with “amnesia powder” ..wtf? ya mean the “date rape drug?”. Seriously. Maybe I am stretching it a bit due to cannabanoidic processes, but damn. seems pretty messed up to me.