God I love Gary Busey. Old Butthorn filed for bankruptcy last week, citing $50,000 in assets against more than $500,ooo in outstanding debts. Well apparently TMZ has gotten hold of an even more detailed version of the filing, in which Busey lists ALL of his worldy possessions. And my God it is the most Gary Busey thing ever. “Well I got about three bucks in pennies and some highlighters in my briefcase, and then in the foyer, there’s my stuffed ostrich, Pepe. Pepe’s wearin’ a foam cowboy hat which I figure’s worth about ten bucks, but the real treat is the coupla starbursts I left under the hat. I was savin ‘em for later.”
Problem is … Gary claims he only has $26,225 in personal assets … including $1,200 in various bank accounts and a $7,000 security deposit with his landlord. Gary then lists EVERYTHING he owns … including:
Entertainment – 2 tvs, DVD player, old large tape recorder, small tape recorder, boom box, bookends, 50 hardback books, 100 compact discs, 300 VHS tapes, 100 DVDs, 200 cassette tapes.
Art – painting of an Indian, old bull’s head, 5 pairs of old moccasins, 2 small decorative teepees, 4 clay vases, Indian style bowls, small figurine of bald eagle, old bows and arrows.
HEY! Them teepees ain’t decorative, Butthorn! Those are where I hunt tiny injuns with my pet silverfish, Enrique and Deborah.
More Native American Stuff — Fabric strap with an attached eagle talon, beaded necklace with an attached arrowhead, bolero necklace with black and white ying/yang pendant.
Random Crap – broken pellet gun, Rollerblades, 2 old surf boards, boogie board, old mountain bike, old Nikon film camera.
Instruments – electric guitar, Collings SJ acoustic guitar, 12 string Guild acoustic guitar, Fender Stratocaster electric guitar, amplifier, J200 acoustic Gibson guitar, 2 tambourines.
Oh God. I hope he has one tambourine to go with each Indian necklace. I… I… I can’t go on. This is just all so goddamned perfect that I’m starting to tear up.
Gary also says he rents a storage unit, in which he keeps old electronics, personal documents, Mother’s furniture/piano and old broken drum sets.
Old broken drum sets. Why WOULDN’T Gary Busey have old broken drum sets? Between that and all the Indian crap, I imagine a lot of failed raindances. Elsewhere, Buzzfeed has put together a helpful visual guide to all of Gary Busey’s stuff.
This is the best day of my life.
Poor guy, I guess he never did find that buck knife.
[buzzfeed]
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** hops in car, peels out, zips to Hollywood, crashes into Harvey Weinstein’s office, gets out explaining:
“National Treasure 3: Treasure Harderer. Gary Busey replaces Justin Bartha and gets Nicolas Cage to help him take down M.e.a.t.l.o.a.f. (Man Everyone Always Thinks Loafs Overtly Around Fools) and find his misplaced treasure of 300 VHS tapes which Busey named…. Wait for it… Bill of Rights.”
Weinstein: “Get me Herzog on the horn for director! We’ve got movie magic to weave!” **spins around in his cloak and vanishes in a fat puff of smoke.
Extra props for having the L in the MEATLOAF acronym stand for “Loafs”
Haters. Gary Busey’s been fucked by the long dick of the law before and, by God when they tell him to list ALL his assets he’s going to do it.
I think from now on when I meet with my financial adviser I’m going to bring a list like this.
I heard he lost his suitcase full of highlighters and change in a match of Russian Roulette (best 2 out of 3) with a dingo named Clarence.
The reason he doesn’t have a VCR to go with his 300 VHS tapes is because he puts the tapes underneath his pillow and watches them in his sleep. Gary Busey will be kind, rewind.
“Special consideration should be given to the left rollerblade, as it’s been a full-time confidant & part time salsa train for yours truly since 1997″
“That pellet gun ain’t broken, dingus, I’ve just specially modified it to dispense Pez candy. Things turn into a real laugh orgy when I pull that out on the subway”
Busey has 100s of hours of the Weather Channel recorded onto many of those VHS tapes, as well as original airings of the “Street Sharks” and “Super Mario Bros. Super Show” cartoons. He has recorded over all commercial breaks on the tapes with footage of himself doing various ballroom dance moves with his old bull’s head
For accuracy’s sake, those vases are ceramic and glass- he’s just named each of them “Clay”
For accuracy’s sake, those vases are ancient Egyptian canopic jars stuffed with pancakes.
You’re telling me that there aren’t any rain sticks or didgeridoos in his possession?
Stop lying, Busey!
“Injun? Naw, dummy. I gave those bowls as a gift to Reemus, the owner of the Gas & Go where I buy most of my licorice & buttermilk, but took them back when that dhangus raised the price of stamps!”
The article fails to mention that Busey has been using wampum as the preferred currency choice since 1993, as advised by his auditor, an albino fruitbat named Gus.
Busey carries a bow & several arrows on him at all times because “You never know when that damned Sasquatch is going to come asking for his surfboards back”
I can only imagine what Busey (a man who lists a boombox & two tape recorders among his ‘assets’) considers “Old electronics”. I’d have to assume there’s at least one HAM radio in there so he can broadcast his Buddy Rich-like drum solos (& subsequent rants to his horn section – the Bull’s head) to the Philippines from his storage locker
This is the best day of my life.
You’re welcome for that, but I assume you aren’t just referring to the email. *fingergunz*
Those 100 DVDs are actually 100 copies of Under Siege that he couldn’t get rid of.
Steven Seagal would like to know if Gary’s planning a yard sale.
It seems like Gary Busey has spent a ton of money to live like a Native American. He’s this close to realizing that dream. All he needs to do is barter all the non tribal crap for meth and booze.
…then sit back and wait for the government to take your land.
he’s still holding out for the buddy holly story 2: zombie boogaloo
Gary to extra on set: “Umm I dont know how to put this, but I’m kind of a big deal. People know me. Um. I’m very important. I have many pieces of random native american crap and my apartment smells of mothballs. I also have tambourines. Yes I said tambourines. Thats two fo them sugar tits”
The tambourines are made from the leftover skin from Busey’s scrotum tuck.
Mother of God, this could be the best Storage Wars episode ever…
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That bull head is pretty lucky seeing as how he’s been given power of attorney over Gary Busey and likely to get all of his worldly possessions after Busey slips into another dimension populated by only by wooden Indian statues.