You may not have noticed on account of Burnsy being too busy partying at Sony headquarters to do a Weekend Movie Guide post on Friday, but this weekend’s new major releases were the found-footage telekinesis film Chronicle, the Daniel Radcliffe horror story The Woman in Black (RUN FOR YOUR LIVES, HE’S DORKY AND BRITISH!), and Drew Barrymore’s inspirational love story set in the world of stranded whales, Big Miracle (hashtag describe your penis with a movie). Chronicle won the day with an estimated $22 million for the weekend (on a $12 million budget), with Woman in Black hot on its heels at $21 m. Almost inconceivably, given America’s love affair with speech impediments and marine mammals, Big Miracle landed all the way at number four, grossing just $8.5 million on a $40 million budget.
That sounds like a bomb, and it is, but what did they expect opening against the Super Bowl? I’m sure it will do much better next week when the fanatical Drew Barrymore and John Krasinski fans aren’t all home watching the game.
I guess between Big Miracle and Dolphin Tale, this movie ocean just wasn’t big enough for two inspirational marine mammal movies. The lesson here? Always bet on Morgan Freeman.
It was nice to see Chronicle, which was pretty good, double its budget the first week out, but the way people are talking about it, you have to wonder if it’s going to be a net negative:
Chronicle is the latest example of the economic viability of the found footage genre—the movie nearly doubled its production budget ($12 million) through its first three days. According to distributor 20th Century Fox, Chronicle’s audience was 55 percent male and 61 percent under the age of 25. Overall, it received a “B” CinemaScore, and that improved to a “B+” among the under-25 crowd. [BoxOfficeMojo]
A victory for found footage. Aw crap.
| This Week | Last Week | Title | Studio | Weekend Gross | % Change | Theater Count / Change | Average | Total Gross | Budget (millions) | Week # | |
| 1 | N | Chronicle (2012) | Fox | $22,000,000 | - | 2,907 | - | $7,568 | $22,000,000 | $12 | 1 |
| 2 | N | The Woman in Black | CBS | $21,000,000 | - | 2,855 | - | $7,356 | $21,000,000 | - | 1 |
| 3 | 1 | The Grey | ORF | $9,500,000 | -51.7% | 3,208 | +23 | $2,961 | $34,756,000 | $25 | 2 |
| 4 | N | Big Miracle | Uni. | $8,500,000 | - | 2,129 | - | $3,992 | $8,500,000 | $40 | 1 |
| 5 | 2 | Underworld Awakening | SGem | $5,600,000 | -54.7% | 2,636 | -442 | $2,124 | $54,353,000 | $70 | 3 |
| 6 | 3 | One For the Money | LGF | $5,250,000 | -54.4% | 2,737 | - | $1,918 | $19,668,000 | $40 | 2 |
| 7 | 4 | Red Tails | Fox | $5,000,000 | -51.8% | 2,347 | -226 | $2,130 | $41,323,000 | $58 | 3 |
| 8 | 8 | The Descendants | FoxS | $4,600,000 | -28.2% | 2,038 | +37 | $2,257 | $65,523,000 | - | 12 |
| 9 | 5 | Man on a Ledge | Sum. | $4,500,000 | -43.8% | 2,998 | - | $1,501 | $14,700,000 | $42 | 2 |
| 10 | 6 | Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close | WB | $3,925,000 | -43.8% | 2,505 | -125 | $1,567 | $26,793,000 | - | 7 |
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Fanatical Drew Barrymore Fans is still an actual thing?
Needed more Japanese factory ships…
Dang. I was really looking forward to Big Miracle and seeing what sort of hilarious hi-jinks Martin Lawrence would get up to this time. It’s high time the African-American community got their own Junior.
Fact: Krasinski completely used up his likability by being stale on the office. You can only stare like a moron at the camera so many times before people start to fucking hate you.
I’m sure Big Miracle will make its money back once it reaches Finland.
That scene with SCUBarrymore’s sympathetic head-tilt cracks me up every damn time.
The only Big Miracle is that Barrymore still has a career…she is a little too big for her breaches…
**adjusts tie and wipes brow of sweat**
It makes me happy to know that Liam Neeson boxing wolves still pulls in an audience better than a heartwarming whale movie. Now where the hell were you when Free Willy limp-dicked into theatres???… Oh right… Schindler’s List…
The Grey was actually sort of awesome in a non-Irish-punchy way. The trailers completely misrepresent it, but it was still a hell of a movie.
So teenagers flying and moving shit with their minds costs $12 million to make, Liam Neeson fighting wolves costs $25 million, and “Hurr, yer sayvin’ those whales’ lahfes.” 40 cuntpunching million dollars. Eat a dick, Hollywood.
*Burp
Bring it.
-Pam “Hollywood” Poovey
In Big Miracle 2: Humpback Sperm Boogaloo, Drew Barrymore returns as “Queefqueg”, an amphibious superheroine that can fire harpoons outta her cunt. BLOW ME DOWN!
Oh, Fek, I can never stay mad at you.
If she’s raped by a pod of Fl*ppers, it’ll be her own fault.
Maybe not naming the whales after the goddamn Flintstones would have kept the audience from assuming it wasn’t some kind of parody.
Free Willy #DescribeTheReasonYou’reNotAllowedToLiveNearPlaygroundsWithAMovie
If I made a movie and the studio marketing team told me they want to release on Super Bowl weekend, I’d slap them with a huge fake dong from the props department.
Yes. Because the release date had everything to do with how horrible it was.
That movie looked like it was cast by Picasso. Drew Barrymoore’s mouth is on the wrong side of her head, John Krasinski’s head looks like Arthur Christmas and Shaggy had a baby, and that retard kid from Running Scared is that retard kid from Running Scared.