As if the old “intertwining vignettes of rom-com clichés played by famous chicks” storyline wasn’t already enough of a testicle forcefield, What to Expect When You’re Expecting has released character posters of all the principles, Cameron Diaz, Jennifer Lopez, Elizabeth Banks, Brooklyn Decker, and Anna Kendrick… and they’re all pregnant. Five pregnant chicks. Revolting. MORE LIKE WHAT TO EXPECT WHEN YOU’RE EXPECTORATING, AMIRITE? Not even Brooklyn Decker’s coquettish, “Oops, someone f*cked a baby into me, tee hee!” face could make this palatable. On the plus side, I emailed this to Burnsy and now our periods are synchronized. This ad campaign is the perfect gender-reverse of those Dr. Pepper 10 commercials.
“What to Expect When You’re Expecting: It’s not for men.”
Women be shoppin, y’all. Women be shoppin’.
Damn you, Rob Huebel, you almost make this look tolerable. And here’s a palate-cleanser.
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What this film will consist of: “Women be like this – men be like this!” The End.
Is this just another Al Queda recruitment video?
Wow…you have to work really hard to make me not want to fuck Brooklyn Decker.
And they succeeded beyond their wildest dreams.
Don’t be fooled by the prenatal literature that she’s got, she’s still Jenny from the block.
Uuuuuugh, the taglines are terrible. How is Heigl not in this?
Or is the thought of pregnant Heigl just too horrifying?
There was this little indie movie she did called Knocked Up… don’t know if you heard about it.
But when they cast that, she was just the blonde chick from that crappy doctor show.
They didn’t know, man. They didn’t know.
Ex”pect”ing = flat stomachs ruined forever
This is the best form of contraceptive for men. I don’t even want to have sex anymore.
At first there’s, like, Chris Rock hiding in that trailer, and then BANG, I’LL SHOW YOU NINTH BILLED, BITCH!
I don’t know what the fuck is wrong with me, but I’d rather bone Anna Kendrick before Brooklyn Decker… something about that scene where she just spontaneously starts crying in Up in the Air or something. Is that weird? Yup, It’s fucking weird.
I’m with you. How pitying someone and wanting to fuck them can get all tangled up in your head. Overwhelming sadness, meanwhile you got a Rodney.
Anna would appreciate your penis inside of her. Brooklyn would probably just judge you harshly.
/talkinglikethegays
I would want to bang both of them before coming to any full judgement or conclusion on this very important matter.
The Mighty Feklahr wants one of the posters to have Faye Dunaway: “No Wire Hangers!”
Your winner, folks.
Of course J-Lo would have unoffensive line and be positioned to hide her bump.
That was the first thing I noticed as well. Is her character supposed to be pregnant? Because her legal team made DAMN SURE she doesn’t look it in this.
“Ms. Lopez’ fans have a standard of beauty they expect. Please do not show her as a real pregnant woman would look.”
What an vain asshat.
You guys are wrong! Her ass is pregnant.
“I can’t wait to meet my baby”
So I can date his school friends.
But they all keep doing the dishes and laundry, right?
One in five pregnancies end in miscarriage. My money’s on J-Lo for the miscarriage, as she seems to be the only one who is considering that pregnancy is just the beginning of a 18 year and 9 month albatross she’s putting around her ugly neck.
One in five end up with severely developmentally disabled babies. The baby mongo’s going to Elizabeth Banks, so she can really wonder why she put herself through this.
One in five pregnancies result in healthy deliveries, but idiot parents do shit like co-sleeping and smother their kids. Sorry Anna Kendrick, but you won’t be too afraid to leave the little fucker in their own crib for too long.
One in five marriages end up in divorce as a result of the stresses of managing the addition of a child. Try not to resent your kid, Cameron Diaz, your man was gonna leave either way. After all, you look like Cameron Diaz.
One in five infants die due to the unexplainable occurrence known as Sudden Infant Death Syndrome. God just loved the little angel too much to not call it home to heaven. Luckily for us, Brooklyn, that means we won’t be stuck with him for too long.
I want to line them all up in an MC Escher room and start pushing.
They should have hired Nadya Suleman and done away with the rest of the cast.
Tyler Perry will be the surprise 6th mother in a segment called ” What to Expect When You Be Expectin’ “
Has anyone else ever noticed how often Elizabeth Banks plays a pregnant woman? Scrubs, 30 Rock, this thing–it’s like she’s trying to tell us something. She’s got the Baby Hunger.
Civilisation is a thing of the past.
You can expect $2 million plus a backend, and to only be sorta-pregnant for a couple of months until the studio has no use for it any more.
It’s funny you should bring up Dr. Pepper 10, because the reason they implemented the “Not For Women” slogan is because it causes ovarian cancer. Damndest thing.
Cameron Diaz’s face is so heavily Photoshopped I expect to see Lobster Dog hidden somewhere in her features.
All I see are five women who didn’t do enough anal.
My ex-girlfriend didn’t expect me to change my name and flee the state while she was expecting.
The best part is that all of them were ACTUALLY pregnant during filming but they agreed suppress morning sickness WITH MORE FEELING!
In conclusion, banging a pregnant chick is awesome because nothing can go wrong.
Jennifer Lopez disgusts me. I am disgusted.
Statistically, one of this women will have an abortion during this film. *fingers crossed for my own mother*
Anna Kendrick and I have very different ideas about what “You just pee on a stick. It’s pretty idiot proof” means.
Is this was IRL it would be called The Sisterhood of the Planned Cesarean
As a palate cleanser, we underestimate Brooklyn Decker.
You know why Brooklyn Decker is rocking the Troll Face? She knows the baby will come out black.
This is Casey Anthony’s chance to break into films!