The American dream is not dead.

Opening All Over Your Face and Chest: Haywire, Underworld Awakening, Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close, Red Tails

FilmDrunk Suggests: I’m excited to see Haywire for Gina Carano and my boy Channing Tatum. Vince said he didn’t like Haywire because it was stale, but it was actually because Gina Carano wouldn’t respond to his letters that he sprayed with Drakkar and sealed with a glittered mushroom stamp. He’s such a romantic!

"Yo Gina C-Note, U hurtin' n I just tryin' 2 give U a squirtin'."

Haywire

Rotten Tomatoes Scores: 83% critics, 54% audience (A very strange juxtaposition that makes me think this is more Soderbergh ass-kissery than “You just didn’t get it.”)

Gratuitous Review Quotes:

“The question of whether Carano can actually act is moot. It’s enough that she has a commanding presence, and two good expressions – warily friendly or glaring, which makes her like a much prettier Charles Bronson.” – Liam Lacey, Globe and Mail

“If you don’t mind a baffling plot, unexplored characters and a so-what ending, though, the movie is watchable thanks to Soderbergh’s skittery flair and some ace dialogue.” – Kyle Smith, New York Post

Armchair Analysis: This movie was destined to be a letdown because it was made almost two years ago, when Michael Fassbender was a nobody and the studio didn’t even want to let Steven Soderbergh cast him. Now, he’s much more convenient. We obviously love Gina Carano, and Channing Tatum is this generation’s John Wayne (that should be on his IMDB profile) but this movie is a letdown by most dude accounts, including Vince’s review. So just keep that in mind when you’re wishing that Carano’s legs were squeezing the life out of your face.