It was only days ago that I finished our round up of the Most Insane News Stories of 2011, and already we have an early lock for 2012 (if this doesn’t make it, this year will see it rain frogs and a pigeon elected president). It seems a Utah man saw a rat in his kitchen, and did what any sane homeowner would do: he tried to shoot it with a gun. (This method of pest control works fine until you get crabs). Anyway, he ended up missing the rat, and like some Looney Tunes episode, the round went through the wall and struck his roommate. BUT THAT’S NOT ALL!

Taylorsville Police Sgt. Tracy Wyant told Deseret News that the first roommate, 27, had been trying to kill a rodent when he missed and the round went through the kitchen wall and struck a second roommate, 28.
“After the gun was fired, both the roommate and Paul heard a scream,” Wyant explained.

Would the scream be suspicious? The guy just got shot.

Officers responding to the scene early Tuesday morning found a 13-year-old girl hiding in a basement closet.

So it turns out the third roommate wasn’t an innocent bystander at all.

She told police she had been having an affair with the third roommate, 34-year-old Paul Daniel Kunzler. During an interview, the Children’s Justice Center determined that the girl had been having sex with Kunzler over a period of four months.
He was arrested on suspicion of two counts of rape of a child, three counts of sodomy of a child and three counts of sexual abuse of a child.
A fourth roommate, Zach Baker, told Fox 13 that he slept through the gunfire.
“I got woken up by the cops,” Baker said. “They came storming in my room, checking to make sure everybody was OK and nobody was shot or anything like that.”
“I’d never seen the girl there before and I don’t know how long she’d been there,” he added. “They said she’d been hiding in a closet and that creeps me out. … I knew the guy was weird, but I didn’t expect anything like that to happen.”

They’re kind of omitting an important piece of the puzzle here. Was she in the closet to avoid the rape or was it because there was a guy stalking through the house trying to shoot rats with a pistol? Jeez, these Jews and their guns, and underage girls. At least, I’m assuming they’re Jewish. Typical Jew stuff.

The roommate who was shot in the chest was taken to a local hospital, and was later upgraded from serious to stable condition, according to KSL. The roommate who fired the gun was not arrested. Charges could be possible after prosecutors review the case.
Police said they suspected alcohol was involved. [RawStory]

Hey, sorry, guy. In all this child rape kerfuffle, we sorta forgot that you’d been SHOT IN THE CHEST. Just stuff the rat in the bullet wound and fill the hole in the wall with the 13-year-old girl. …AND ONE HAND WASHES THE OTHER.

I’m guessing police only suspected alcohol because they’re unfamiliar with meth. There’s no way you think, “Aw, it’s just my roommates shooting guns in the house again,” and quickly fall fast asleep like a kitten in a sunbeam unless you’re living in a meth house.