YOU'VE BEEN CUMBERBATCHED!

While I eagerly await his marriage to Imogen Poots, with whom I assume he will eventually give birth to a powdered wig (they’re not together… yet), Benedict Cumberbatch has been cast in JJ Abrams Star Trek sequel. There are conflicting reports on whether he’ll play a villain (according to Variety) or not (Deadline says it could be either), but he joins the already-cast Noel Clark, Alice Eve, and Peter Weller. Cumberbatch is best known for his role in Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy, playing Sherlock Holmes in a BBC series, and leading the silly name brigade to victory at the battle of snoggy bottoms.

It will be interesting to see whether Cumberbatch plays another high-class man of wealth, a role he claims to have been typecast in as a result of his rich upbringing. Jeez, you would’ve never guessed by the name.

British actor Benedict Cumberbatch has a ghost from his past casting a shadow over his career: he was too privileged growing up. The son of actors Timothy Carlton and Wanda Ventham, Cumberbatch attended the Harrow school, which now charges $47703 in admission per year [*waves frilly hanky, faints* -Ed.]. As a result of his young posh education, he says casting directors are unwilling to see him in a role beyond that of a wealthy menace.

“I was brought up in a world of privilege. It can ostracize you from normal codes of conduct in society,” he told the Radio Times. “Being a posh actor in England you cannot escape the class-typing from whatever side you look at it. I realized from quite early on that, although I wasn’t trying to make a class specialty of it, I was playing slightly asexual, sociopathic intellectuals.” [HuffPo]

I hear he was once so upset about being served a shrimp fork for an oyster platter that he slapped the craft services supervisor with a white glove. I hear he also refers to picking up chicks as “hunting the fox” and has a secret sexual peccadillo that involves a euphemistic craving for “blood pudding.” To paraphrase commenter Galway Girl, Benedict Cumberbatch is so British, my pack of smokes started buttf*cking each other.