Good news day on FilmDrunk continues, as a day that’s already seen us report a Grown Ups sequel and a Three Stooges trailer now can add the prospect of a fourth Transformers movie. And probably with Michael Bay on again to direct, because it’s not just anyone that can film indistinguishable flaming balls of shit flying at each other.
Michael Bay is in final negotiations to direct a new Transformers film, insiders tell Vulture. In recent days, Bay has been assembling a cast for a long-gestating project that even predates Bay’s entry into planet-destroying, Pain and Gain, based on a three-part New Times story about the infamous “Sun Gym gang,” a group of dimwitted Miami bodybuilders who kidnapped, tortured, and robbed a Florida businessman but got their comeuppance when their left-for-dead victim hired a private eye to hunt them down [formerly described as “Point Break with bodybuilders.” -Ed]. Insiders tell Vulture that Bay has been seeking to adapt the sordid revenge tale almost since its publication in 1999, and that it’s proving the major blandishment in getting Bay to commit to launching a new Transformers cycle. “Without Pain, there’s no tit for tat,” explains one person familiar with the talks, “That’s Paramount’s leverage.”
I assume Michael Bay has the tats, because I can’t imagine him trading tits for anything. Basically, the plan would be for Bay to shoot the bodybuilder movie first and Transformers 4 immediately after.
Another insider familiar with the situation cautioned that while Paramount “does not have a closed deal” with Bay, the studio “is not far from closing” on one, either, and that an announcement could come as early as next week. Meanwhile, the details of the next cyborg saga [THEY’RE NOT CYBORGS! *takes puff on inhaler*] are being kept secret, but we’re told that it is definitely not a prequel, and that it will delve deeper into the Transformers canon to mine older characters and lore.
The most important question on Shia Labeouf’s mind: WHERE’S BUMBLEBEE NOW?
“Regular people might not care about bringing out a character like Sentinel Prime,” says one of our insiders, referring to the little-known character who played a major part in last summer’s Transformers: Dark of the Moon, “But believe me, fans of the series cared.” [Vulture]
Please, fans of this series care about whatever shiny thing you dangle in front their face and forget five seconds later like sparrows. Transformers was a cartoon about cars that turned into robots designed to sell toy cars that turned into toy robots. We’ve turned that into FOUR F*CKING MOVIES. War and Peace didn’t get this much exposition. That said, I hope the next one is about Explosionus Prime squaring off against the Titcepticons with his sassy urban sidekick, Hellnah. He turns into a Boost Mobile.