So I wrote this… thing a while back. It’s called “Vin Diesel Goes to the DMV.” I never posted it on FilmDrunk, because it didn’t seem quite right. It was little long for blog format, it wasn’t timely, and most of all, it was wholly fictional. But when my friend Justin Halpern (of Sh*t My Dad Says fame) told me he was starting a site for longer-form, harder-to-categorize humor writing, I figured this was perfect. It’s all part of my master plan to never make money on anything. Here’s Justin’s intro:
This is a piece of fiction that asks the age old question “What happens when Vin Diesel goes to the DMV?” Now behold, as Mr. Vin Diesel takes you on a journey inside his mind…inside the DMV.
Couldn’t have introduced it better myself. Thank Bret for the artwork.
Read it here (Please? I ask so precious little of you).
I think I based it on his voiceovers in Babylon AD.
![[avatar]](http://p.uproxxcdn.com/photo/257/thumb)
![[image]](http://cdn.fd.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2013/05/DIESEL-MENSFITNESS-150x150.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.fd.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2013/05/Dreaming-of-shark-surfing-150x150.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.fd.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2013/04/Vin-Diesel-Fan-page-banner-150x150.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.fd.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2013/02/mcconlookin-150x150.jpg)
I had imagined Vin Diesel’s inner monologues to be poorly spelled and indifferently punctuated. But I am open to new knowledge.
“Sometimes a man needs to see smoke leaving his mouth to remember he’s got the fire inside.”
So true.
I’d love to see him take the driving test. But that’s me. Always wanting more.
By the way, that could be the treatment for his next movie, but for the fact that thought went into it.
I hear Vin uses the same scalp people as Patrick Stewart.
“I’d love to see him take the driving test. But that’s me. Always wanting more.”
Hey, gotta save something for the sequel!
F*** Hemmingway, you, Vince, are an artist.
The dog most certainly does NOT ask for permission before licking itself.
Man, this makes Vin Diesel seem very gay. Anybody else getting that vibe?
You had me at “The Barracudas.”
Funny, it made me think Vin had freakishly large hands.
Nicely done.
“Thank Bret for the artwork.” Bret Bret? Now I want fake Bret to draw Vin Diesel surrounded by squirrel friends