The guys from Gwar don’t return my calls anymore after I borrowed their giant fake-jizz squirting paper maché dildo and didn’t give it back, but apparently NextMovie doesn’t have that problem, because they got Oderus Urungus and Balsac the Jaws of Death to review Speilberg’s latest horsploitation film, War Horse. What follows is a review so accurate, AO Scott tried to slit his own wrists with a monogrammed letter opener in recognition of his own futility.
“War Horse is a great movie if you are a five-year-old girl who loves horses and has never seen a movie before.”
“I think they should change the name to Snore Horse.”
I’ve seen it, and I’m still embargoed (GWAR HEEDS NOT YOUR HUMAN EMBARGOES!), but I will say that those are probably the only two reviews you need.
And just for fun, here’s an old clip of Gwar on Joan Rivers, back when Oderus sounded like Triumph the Insult Comic Dog:
RIP, FLATTUS MAXIMUS.