
I know this might not seem newsworthy at first, but you’ll have to indulge me. Turns out, typing the phrase “Wu Tang Flan Ain’t Nothin to F*ck With” is something that had been on my bucket list all along, even if I only realized it just now. It came from a fan of Danger Guerrero’s, and it’s probably the best idea for a themed food truck that someone ever beat us to.
In more movie-related Wu Tang happenings, Jamie Chung recently discussed her work on RZA’s Man with the Iron Fists. Yes, that’s a kung fu movie directed by RZA.
“The original cut was four hours long and RZA was like, ‘Let’s turn it into two movies! [Producer] Eli [Roth] was like, ‘Eh…’” she said about the project.
She added: “They’re really excited and I have complete faith in RZA, he’s a genius when it comes to these things and he knows the genre so well. So, it’s cut down to an hour and a half. Now he’s working on the music. Everyone is stoked but it will have that cool feel like ’36th Chamber of Shaolin’ or ‘Five Deadly Venoms.’ It’s definitely a delicacy and Russell Crowe is doing some amazing things that you would never see him do in film. It’s a fun movie. I think it may come out in August.”Quentin Tarantino also produced the film, which centers on a blacksmith (RZA) in feudal China who makes weapons for a small village. He is put in the position where he must defend himself and his fellow villagers. Lucy Liu and Pam Grier also star.
In a weird way, Russell Crowe starring in a kung fu movie directed by RZA and produced by Quentin Tarantino makes total sense. At least, I’m intrigued. Maybe not four hours intrigued, but intrigued. Especially if they bring in Ghostface during post to add his own narration. It’d be best if he just showed up not knowing anything about the plot and tried to describe whatever was happening onscreen at the time, a la Arnold Schwarzenegger’s Total Recall DVD commentary. Of course, that’s true of pretty much any movie.



I fuckin’…I fuckin’ get a spoon and keep feeding you! And feeding you! And feeding you!
If you want treats, then bring the ruckus.
Also, I will do a 100,000 word, 1,000 slide Scene Breakdown of this movie when it comes out.
Gotta read the labelz
Aight my ninjas & my ninja-ettes… Let’s do it like this… I’mma rub yo’ ass in the moonshine, let’s take it back to (eleven) seventy-nine!
One critic declared their flans, “A triumph!”
I collect kung fu films (yes, I have a girlfriend) and own the entire Wu Tang back catalog. A four our martial arts film starring and directed by the Rza gets my nipples hard in a way I never before knew. Fuck you Eli Roth.
“Our chicken is Ol’ Dirty Basted in its own juices.”
Wu Tang Flan Ain’t Nothin’ to F*ck With
Rejection letter for the suggested urban American Pie reboot.
The banner pic is courtesy of Raekwon the Chef.
Also, I will do a 100,000 word, 1,000 slide Scene Breakdown of this movie when it comes out.
And I will read the shit out of that post.
Also, the fact that Jamie Chung knows “Five Deadly Venoms” makes my pants fit tight.
You want C.R.E.A.M. with that?
M-E-T-H-O-D FLAN! M-E-T-H-O-D FLAN! HERE I AM! HERE I AM! THE METHOD FLAN!!
It’s no “Who Dat Ninja” or “Samurai I-Am-Urai,” but I’ll take it.
A blacksmith, eh? I see what they did there.
I’m assuming the “Man with the Iron Fists” never masturbates.
Scene: A dimly lit New Orleans Mansion. Noted actor/raconteur Nicholas Cage is sitting down to enjoy a meal of frozen fishsticks and veterinary-grade Prozac served in bowl made from the skull of Elvis Presley. Suddenly, a great fear hits him like a viper’s bite.
“Wuuuu-tang?” He says aloud, his voice trembling and low. ”
WUUUUU-TANG!!
His face is pale and motionless, without hue or affect – like the cover of a Serbian biology book.
Suddenly he giggles. Low and soft, at first. Then, boisterous and maniacal like a million critic’s laughs during the premiere of Snake Eyes.
He rushes to the door and screams in hazy New Orleans air. “This is an overplayed meme! DO YOU HERE ME INTERNET!! I am a GOLDEN GOD. I starred in a movie where there was singing iguanas for fuck’s sake and I wasn’t even that high! You need to step up your game, broheims!”
He returns to his dinner, which has now fully defrosted and is therefore inedible. “For you,” he says, tossing the fishstick laden skull to his son, who he has chained under the table. “You need your strength. Oscar season is right around the corner.”
/End scene
I was going to start a Wu-Tang themed food truck, but I ran into trouble when I found that Wu-Tang Pan ain’t nothin’ to cook with.
Bill Murray makes a cameo or GTFO.
“Aren’tchu Bill Murray, man?” -The GZA
*Fitting Samurai shoulder and neckplates*
“PROTECT YA NECK!”
I didn’t realize Russell Crowe had already advanced to the “21st Century Jon Voight” stage of his career.
This looks amazing.
“doot doot doot” – Rza
manwall.com
I rip it hardcore like freshly made knishes. I roll that dough then bake them biscuits. Check it, my method in the kitchen is bangin’. Wu-Tang Flan. It’ll leave jaw-piece hangin’.
The name of that dish: Old Dirty Custard.