Here’s Tyrese waxing philosophical on the subject of independent women (I guess?) during an interview with NecoleBitchie.com, which is apparently a thing. I actually transcribed the whole thing in the hopes that it might make more sense written down, or that someone here could break it down and explain what the hell he’s talking about.
“I want you all to know the difference. Independence in the eyes of a man, is when we say we want an independent woman, we don’t want a woman who’s just trying to hold onto her sexy and nice body, to help her to get through life. You don’t wanna work, you don’t go to college or school, you’re not inspired to do anything on any level, to help further yourself. You just want to be sexy and freeload. Nobody wants that. As a man. And then some woman are so on this independent kick, they’re gonna end up alone. You’re gonna independent your way into loneliness. You go off and buy all the little poodles you want. At least my dog is happy to see me when I get home every day. That dog is never be able to be replaced. Or that rabbit. Will never be able to replace what a real man can do for you. So, stay independent. Get your own, have your own, but nobody wants to be alone. Period. I know there’s a lotta men out here that are playing on both sides of the fence. It’s confusing. There’s a lotta homosexuality going on out here. I get it. There’s a lotta frustration that women have. There’s a lotta man’s mans still left. We’re out here. We’re waiting, we’re wanting, we desire you, just like you desire us. Just don’t give up on us. Stay. That’s why I wrote the song. Give me a shot. Go ahead and download the album.”
So… I should… buy a poodle? As long as it’s not… gay? Because gay poodles refuse to… go to college? Whatever the case, he sure seemed earnest about it! Say what you will about his acting or his singing or his MTV VJing skills, Tyrese is brilliant at seeming really really super earnest. About something. Here’s his earnest face:
"LISTEN TO ME, GIRL, I WAS A MALE MODEL."
I believe the “Philosophizing Male Model” may be a close relative of the “Existential Buffoon” we love so much.
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The best part of that video? The slow fade in of R&B music to sexy this ‘women be all stuck up’ rant.
Tyrese is Terrance Howard on Adderall
It’s a shame those weren’t Pokemon cards behind him. It would make my “Tyrese uses furrowed brow!” joke a lost easier to crowbar in.
This “Cynically Bigoted Klingon” thinks He understands, Tyrese is trying to define his meaning by listing everything in existence “it” is NOT. Let’s pretend Bob Costas did the same thing last night:
“I want you all to know the difference. Emancipation in the eyes of The Man, is when we say we want an emancipated African American, we don’t want Stevie Johnson dancing mockingly in the end zone, or Ndonkeykong Suh stomping a well meaning white player, or…”
See, it’s easy! Dor sho gha!
@GG-that would have been super effective!
What he’s trying to say is…”I only date white women”.
Women be independentin’.
Well Tyrese, I gotta ask how you know so many men who are playing both sides of the fence…
Trying to understand this rant is somewhere between Mission:Impossible and Mission:In-freaking-sanity
Understanding what Tyrese is talking about just went from Mission: Impossible to Mission: In-Freakin’-Sanity.
Sah Dah Tay!
I’m just crossing my fingers for many Earnest Tyrese photobombs to come
“Sure, I may have socked a cock once, twice, three times, or seven time…wait, how MANY Transformers movies are there? Anywho, gurl it’s either depend on me to pay yo bills *water drops from a faucet* or be lonely for the rest of yo life. Buy my album, its at Wal-marts wally wally wally Wal-marts.”
At least show the second part of the video so the context is a little clearer: [bit.ly]
So we can’t be too dependent, but we can’t be too independent, either?
Damn, Goldilocks, no wonder you’re single.
On the bright side of being independent, Patty, you get a dog..or a bunny…either way you’re a winner..a lonely, independent, winner.
Tyrese couldn’t convey this much earnestness alone. I have a feeling Andy Serkis is just off camera.
Oh Glenn, let me step back from standing on your dick.
That was like one of those spoken word songs William Shatner used to belt out, or even better; Telly Savalas: [www.youtube.com]
Anyway, she had big tits.
Match.com rejected this tape on the grounds that it was “realer than most” and “hard as f*ck, bra!”
The piano wraps it all together.
Also people will pay top dollar on the internet, Tyrese, to see a rabbit or a dog replace a man at home with a woman. DON’T TELL ME WHAT I’LL DO WITH MY $9.99 A MONTH!
All the mamas who profit dollas
throw ya poodles up at me
all the ladies who truly feel me
throw ya rabbits up at me…
It’s good to see a black man with a well-thought out position. See how it’s done, Herman Cain?
I just can’t live wiffout Burnsy’s love and affliction.
What he’s saying is, “independent” women star in Fast and Furious, while “overly-independent” women star in Transformers. What he wants is to bang that chick from Death Race
*rolls eyes at white folks in comments section*
People, he’s saying “No Scrubs!” Sheesh, its like you don’t even SPEAK jive!
All these Scrub women isn’t what Left Eye died for.
yeah, girl, you can still find a man’s man who doesn’t rely on his lookin’ sexy to make it through life; there are plenty of us male models. after all, what’s more manly than shaved chests and beaches? [www.gabriellahewitt.com]
Earnest face black guy and baseball cards reminds me of when Billy Heywood cuts his favorite player, Jerry Johnson.
“Is that supposed to make me feel better? Am I supposed to tell my wife that I just got cut by a 12 year old but its okay because he likes my baseball card!?”
But why male models?
I really hope that pic becomes a meme that relates to the pseudo-psychology he’s trying to get across.
Why is Taye Diggs so mad?
And why does he sound like Stephen Hawking?
Garipeto
Earnest face black guy and baseball cards reminds me of when Billy Heywood cuts his favorite player, Jerry Johnson.
“Is that supposed to make me feel better? Am I supposed to tell my wife that I just got cut by a 12 year old but its okay because he likes my baseball card!?”
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Goddamit. Thanks a lot.
You just made me think of that ugly kid with the mullet from Mr. Nanny and Forever Young and LBG….
And every time I think of him, I wish I was dead. Why did anyone ever put that ugly sorta fat kid in a movie to begin with? I wish when Chrstina Applegate was baby sitting him he broke his neck instead of his arm when he fell off the roof and saved us all the trouble.
And Ok, fine, I looked it up….he was in Rookie of the Year not Little Big League….ohh, I’m stupid….Come on, that’s like saying “Ohhh, he was in Armeggedon not Deep Impact”.
IT’S THE SAME GODDAMN MOVIE!
I always get confused as to who he is. Is he the dude that was in “Rent” and that is married to the chick from “Wicked”? If so he probably knows a thing or two about homosexuality.
Get your own, have your own, but nobody wants to be alone.
I think the hermit community would beg to differ…
/If I don’t give them a voice, who will?