Ever since we made that gallery of 
- Steven Seagal holding a weapon (usually a pistol) with a dumb look on his face
- Three-word title (Out for Justice, Marked for Death, Above the Law, etc.)
- Awesome tagline (“They started this… he’ll finish it.)
- Burning foreign city in the background
Reader Charlie recently emailed the frotcast after having put all of Steven Seagal’s movie titles into a word-cloud creator (you can see that below). I thought that was a great idea, so I extended it from just title to title, tagline, and synopsis. That’s the one above. There are a few glitches (don’t ask me why there are two “kills”, or why it counted “es” as a word), but I think it’s pretty clear that Steven Seagal likes to play an UNDERCOVER MILITARY AGENT named JOHN who likes to KILL CHINESE people.
As someone on Twitter points out: “This would make a great set of fridge magnets.”
![[avatar]](http://p.uproxxcdn.com/photo/257/thumb)
![[image]](http://cdn.fd.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2013/05/video-under-siege-2-recut-as-a-silent-film-150x150.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.fd.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2013/03/seagal-150x150.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.fd.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2013/05/steven-seagal-in-maximum-conviction-movie-trailer-with-steve-austin-150x150.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.fd.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2013/05/steven-seagal-training-posse-of-school-shooting-first-responders-150x150.jpg)
He clearly taught Wyclef how to suck.
don’t ask my why there are two “kills”
How has “overkill” never been in a Seagal title?
“You said ‘kill’ twice.”
“I like kill.”
(*does the math*) So, the perfect Seagal title would be “Kill Dark Man”
“why it counted ‘es’ as a word”
It meant “ese.”
Coming soon to DVD and Blu-Ray, “Dead Onion Siege”.
Kill Dark Man: also the phrase that opens Seagal’s kimono
Space & Time dismissiveness aside, Steven Seagal’s gonna be pissed when he goes to write/direct Die, Darkman, Die!
The picture’s tagged as “Black Eyed Peas”, Seagal thought he was one of the Wayans brothers. Poor Wyclef. You haven’t gotten any respect since a Seagal movie made it to theaters
Oh, come on. He almost became president of Hai … hahahahahaha … I’m sorry. Nothing about that is worthy of respect.
I’m sure I’m not alone here, but I would watch the Hell out of a movie called “Dark Kill Justice Man”*, or any variation thereof.
*Provided Charlie Day and/or Glenn Howerton were costars.
All my favourite Seagal movies prominently feature krill. It’s all he can eat after all.