I’d been looking for an excuse to post this picture of Mickey Rourke for a while now because I think it might be the most LA picture I’ve ever seen. My clothes smell like cigarettes just from looking at it. And where do you think Captain Leather Kuffs back there got those jeans, anyway? Is there a designer who does denim specifically for jockeys? No way those fit anyone over 120 pounds. Anyway, my excuse was this recent interview with Mickey Rourke, who was his usual, adorably candid self.

You visited a Russian prison to prepare for your role in Iron Man 2. How did you prepare to play an ancient Greek Titan king for Immortals?
I showed up. The director spent three years working on the overall look of the film and that really helped. They paid me a lot of money for a few days of work so I was happy to go. It’s just a shame I didn’t get to work with the hot blonde chick, Isabel Lucas. I also loved Frieda Pinto, but she has a boyfriend. She’s a really nice person and I have great respect for her as an actress — and I think most actresses are c*nts with a capital K.

“How did you prepare?” “I just showed up, but it was awesome because they paid me a lot and there were hot chicks.” That might be the most honest answer any actor’s ever given during a press tour. Meanwhile, unfortunately the interviewer doesn’t follow up at all on the precise meaning of “c*nt with a capital K.” When I interviewed Rob Huebel, he suggested “kunt” as a softer, more TV-friendly version of c*nt that girls could call each other to be cheeky, but the way Mickey Rourke says it, I think he means it to imply artificiality, like Kraft Cheez, or Krab. C*nt with a capital K as in the fakest, most artificial imitation kunt. But I’m just spitballin’ here.

That was far from the only Mickey Rourke quotable.

On the time he spent in obscurity, before his Wrestler-sparked career resurgence:

When you are out of work that long, your whole life changes; it’s a humiliating, shameful experience. I don’t know if you ever get over it. Hopefully, I can keep my mouth shut because I don’t want to go back to that lonely, dark place. This f*cking town is built on envy. They can’t wait to [he raises his middle finger] to your ass.

Ahh, that’s probably what Tom Cruise is always so worried about.

Is there a story in Greek mythology that you especially like?
Did you ever see Johnny F*ckHerFaster? It’s a mythology porno about a king named King Cock. I’m kidding. My grandmother used to read me a lot of that stuff to put me to sleep. I have always had insomnia and I loved all the different stories she read.

“Mythology? Well I like mythology porn. Ha, just kidding. But seriously, that shit puts me to sleep. In fact I’m bored of you right now. Why don’t you be a good boy and go buy Uncle Mickey some cigs.”

There’s a rumor that you’re going to play Lemmy in a Werner Herzog movie. That sounds mind blowing. Is it true?
I don’t know anything about it. I don’t even know who Lemmy is. [:-( —Ed.]

I concur with the Ed. who wrote that frownie face.

Do you keep up with the training after filming wrapped?
The regime I am on now is grueling. I just took a year off to write a screenplay about Gareth Thomas, a gay rugby player; I went over to Wales to beg him to let me do it. The writer I hired wrote shit so I rewrote it and now it’s great. We shoot in March, and I think it will be the best movie I’ve ever made. We have been training now for the past five or six months and it’s been physically challenging. [ModernMan]

I love Mickey Rourke almost as much as I love gay rugby, but unless he wrote a time machine into that script, I don’t know how a 59-year-old ex-boxer who looks like he makes wrist cuffs for his hairdresser out of his facial scar tissue is going to play the young version of a guy who’s currently 37. That said, it’s still Mickey Rourke. I’d be more than willing to watch him try.