I know this is supposed to be a movie site, but I don’t ask a lot of you, and I demand that you grant me the occasional departure from format for certain important events, such as pictures of rape vans, Danzig stories, or news of new pun foods. On the subject of the latter, today there is important non-movie news afoot, namely a rumor that the dudes from the seminal post-Nelson blonde-brother sugar pop trio Hanson are planning to market their own brand of beer. Which, naturally, will be called “MMMhop.”

I CAN’T QUIT YOU, AWFUL FOOD PUNS!

Speaking at Oxford University Union on Monday night, Zac said: “We of course make records, they are fundamental to what we do, but we wanted to create a brand so that our fans have a greater experience.
“What is vital is that Hanson merchandise is quality and not made solely with the purpose of profit. We have a board game and even a record player to play our last record on, but we will never make dolls, lunch boxes or toothbrushes that play our songs for example.
“It’s vital our fans have trust in everything Hanson do. In fact we are soon going to be selling our own beer, I’m not even joking. MMMHop IPA anyone?” [TheStar]

Without video of the event and only this one quote to go on (there’s nothing about the beer on their official Twitter or Facebook pages), it’s hard to tell if he was being serious or just making a joke that someone tried to turn into a legitimate story. But even if he was kidding, there’s still hope of it becoming a self-fulfilling prophecy. I guess what I’m trying to say is, I WANT TO DRINK MMMHOP RIGHT NOW! I WILL WASH IT DOWN WITH WAHLBURGERS AND HAVE WU TANG FLAN FOR DESSERT WHILE THE LEAD SINGER OF SMASH MOUTH SINGS ME A LULLABY ABOUT DEVILED EGGS! PUN! PUN! PUN! PUN! PUN! (*gets shot with tranquilizer dart and thrown in van*)

Sidenote, remember when everyone was pissed at Hanson for writing a song that was too catchy? God, those were the days, weren’t they? I would listen to “MMMBop” on repeat for six days straight while staring at the older brother’s goony yak face and sideways hair if it meant never having to hear another auto-tune atrocity or someone from LFMAO demanding I that party harder. LEAVE ME ALONE, DICK, I’M TRYING TO DRINK RESPONSIBLY FOR ONCE.