I really wish we could play the Florida or Ohio/Florida or Germany game with this story, but unfortunately it happened in Illinois. As a place where crazy sh*t happens, we underrate Illinois. That’s where (or more specifically, in Aurora, setting for Wayne’s World), 18-year-old Olivia Ornelas (right) was arrested in a ditch after midnight Saturday. Police say she had been driving without a right front tire (which any mechanic will tell you is generally inadvisable), and when they found her, Ornelas told police she was upset because her boyfriend had reneged on a promise to take her to see Twilight: Breaking Dawn that day.
Silly Twihard, LOVE CONQUERS VAMPIRES, NOT PHYSICS!
KCSO deputy observed a car in the ditch on Rt. 71/East Highpoint Rd. Upon further investigation Ornelas was driving with no right front tire and was extremely intoxicated. Ornelas advised that she was extremely upset with her boyfriend because she did not see the movie Twilight like they were suppose to [sic]. Ornelas was arrested for DUI and unlawful consumption of alcohol by a minor. [police report, via TheSmokingGun]
Drunk in a ditch demanding abstinence parables is no way to go through life. Perhaps the most surprising part of this story is that she isn’t way fatter. And I’m shocked, SHOCKED to find that a girl whose notions of romance involve a man that never wants sex and stays awake all night staring at you while you sleep is having trouble with real relationships. GOD, JENNA! YOU’RE BEING SUCH A NON-PILLOW RIGHT NOW! I’m sure it’s only going to get better from here.
![[avatar]](http://p.uproxxcdn.com/photo/257/thumb)
![[image]](http://cdn.fd.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2013/05/uproxx-video-whats-your-twilight-filmdrunk-150x150.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.fd.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2013/01/Moonwalking--150x150.gif)
![[image]](http://cdn.fd.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2013/01/Cat-tattoo-lady-back-tattoo-150x150.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.fd.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2013/01/Bronson-Pelletier-81-150x150.jpg)
At least she saw Breaking Down, eh? Eh?
Ugh, MLICrushingDisappointment.
Boyfriend, Richard Dastardly, was quoted as saying “I had thought of everything! I plied her with alcohol, I took the wheel off her car so she couldn’t leave… I was just touching up my body glitter in the bathroom when I heard her take off. And I would’ve gotten away with it, too, if it weren’t for you meddling
mormonsvampires!”Alcohol, ditches and abstinence don’t mix.
Maybe the right front tire suddenly became sentient and wanted nothing to do with Twilight.
A Rubber-Twilight crossover, Patty? Don’t you be giving that Meyer woman ideas.
It must have been a Smart Car.
When asked to be interviewed for this story her boyfriend said nothing because he’s an Edward Cullen sex pillow
At lesat Is she team AAA?
*least
Shop, I’m guessing that she’s against rubbers.
Do you know what would be tragically ironic? If that missing tire was found, ground down, recycled, sent to a factory and ended up being fashioned into one of those Twilight Fleshlights.
Well, at least she had soft pillowy lips and expressive eyes. I’m sure that counts for…something…
If this had happened in Germany she may have ended up starring in Human Centipede 3.
It’s her own fault for not being more specific while she was singing “Jesus, Take the Wheel.”
You think this is bad? You should see what her sister did to watch a UNC game.
Too bad you can’t pay your bail in cats.
Let this not be the last use of the Olivia Ornelas tag.
The good news is, I’m almost positive that this will not result in her missing an electrical engineering final at the University of Chicago.
So this chick is 18, likes to drink and I’m assuming is available?
*Buys Twilight on Blue Ray, picks up some wine coolers and books trip to Illinois.
Oh no! Chris Hansen!?
In her defense, there are certain types of bikes that can ride with three wheels. Brave and passionate people like Olivia Ornelas are helping scientists fill all the holes in transportation as we go along.
If this had happened in Canada I’m not sure any crimes would have been committed. Thankfully.
(except the Twilight fan part, they may still be sterilizing for that in Alberta, not sure)
On the bright side, she just scored a cameo in the video for Vampire Weekend’s remake of “Detroit Rock City”.
This doesn’t make any sense. Twilight fans are known for having spare tires.
BF: Sure, honey, we’ll go see Twilight when I get back from lacrosse practice. I need to win the right-side attack spot…
Olivia Ornelas: OMG YESSSS ILUVU LLOLOL!!!!
BF: Well, I hate to be like, an Indian giver and all… but I actually have to do some shirtless barn construction stuff tonight, so…
Olivia Ornelas: “YARGLEBARGAHH!!!!!!!!1″
This bitch may seem crazy but I guarantee she does anal.
Burnsy, that was a total non-sequiter.
You’d figure Rosario Dawson’s sister would be doing better with her life.
Are all Olivia s this weird?
- …and when I looked back, I saw only three wheel prints in the sand. Where were you then?
- I was right there with you all along, girl, glittering beside you.
- Ok. Now, can we have teh sax?
(The above works better casting Ryan Gosling as Edwurd)
bitch looks like she might give some mean head.
Was that a Peter King reference in there, Vince? Synergy!