Comments of the Week

(via FckYeahDementia)

Well folks, it was another week of fine commenting, and now it’s time to recognize the finest. It was a tough choice for the top spot this week, as we had fresh-faced FilmDrunkard Antichrist Fox dropping gems like… uh… something that drops a lot of gems! (GREAT SIMILE, VINCE!). But in the end I think Stinky Peet, representing the old guard, topped them all.

From my review of Brett Ratner’s Tower Heist:

Stinky Pete says: So Ratner’s “magic negro” is an obese Jamaican housemaid? What’s the technical term for that again, jahmon ex machina? Deus ex macadamia?

Yes, it’s hard to beat “Deus ex macadamia.” Even so, it was photo finish between that and Antichrist Fox’s comment in that story about Brett Ratner masturbating to Olivia Munn while eating shrimp. In reference to me comparing myself transcribing Olivia Munn’s book to Hunter S. Thompson typing The Great Gatsby over and over to feel what it’s like to write a masterpiece:

Antichrist Fox: “So he beat on, fist against the tragic stub, coming ceaselessly unto the trailer’s ceiling.” – Olivia Munn

Yep, Latin fat jokes and literary jizz humor, that’s pretty much what we’re all about around here. More from the same post:

The Jersey Devil says: Were those shrimp free? Because I don’t believe he had a free hand if those shrimp were free.

Willy S says: If there’s one thing I’m learning by reading this blog, it’s that all directors have chode penises

From Hilary Swank fires her manager after attending war criminal’s birthday party, Seal remains defiant:

BK says: SWANKY IS YOU OK, IS YOU OK SWANKY?
You’ve been tricked by, you’ve been duped by… A WAR CRIMINAL

AntichristFox says: When Hilary Swank ceremoniously fires you, she unravels her ACE bandage, folds it into a triangle, and presents it to you on bended knee with a letter of recommendation and a Freedom Writers DVD.

The Hammer says: Team Swank is primarily in charge of cleaning her gigantic teeth.

pigpeen says: More importantly, Seal, have you ever jokingly told your friends that you’ve, “sealed the deal?” Because that would be pretty cool, as long as you didn’t overuse it.

BK says: I would imagine a ceremonious firing is a lot like that last scene on Yavin where everyone gets a medal of honor, only way less smug. And the wookiee rips your arms off afterwards.

…Qaplah

From Green Day sells boardshorts now:

Stinky Pete says: They’re something unpredictable, that in the end fit right – we hope you have The Ride Of Your Life™!

From Early War Horse reviews are a high-water mark in annals of Spielberg ass-kissery:

Ace Rimmer says: “Horses are the noblest of animals.” Inbred to within an inch of their lives and redundant in modern society.

From Jub Jub the Amazing Balancing Dog:

Farthammer says: 20 years from now George Lucas is going to CGI some floppier ears on that dog and give him a jamaican accent.

From Tower Heist review:

robopanda says: $40 million in gold weighs about 1425 pounds, or, to put it into apothecary terms we use at the drug store, roughly 5.1 Ratners.

And finally, from The Karate Kid is 50 now:

ChinoMoreno says: Sweep the hip.

That’s as good a note to go out on as any. As always, nominate for next week’s Comments of the Week in the comments section below.

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