
In case you forgot, Universal is still moving forward with a big screen adaptation of the 1980s video game “Asteroids.” The game, of course, was about a triangle that spins around in circles and fires at trapezoids that split into tinier shapes, supposedly representing giant rocks hurling through outer space. At some point, an executive at Universal said, “People would probably want to watch a movie about that triangle” and he cut a check for a few million dollars to buy the rights.
Now, the Lorenzo di Bonaventura production, being directed by none other than Roland Emmerich, has picked up a writer, who will somehow create a plot for this film, while pretending that Armageddon never happened. I like to think we all already pretend that.
Universal’s adaptation of the Atari video game Asteroids, meanwhile, will be written by Evan Spiliotopoulos. Matt Lopez (The Sorcerer’s Apprentice) originally worked on the script. Spiliotopoulos was a writer on the upcoming Snow White and the Huntsman.
The trade says “the plotline for the film adaptation has evolved into the story of two estranged brothers that must team up to save Earth from an alien race.” [Via Coming Soon]
Hold on, an alien race? I assume they’re going to imply that creatures from outer space are suddenly firing giant space rocks at Earth and these estranged brothers will have to overcome their hatred of each other – probably because one married the other’s high school sweetheart or raped his dog, or something like that – to fly away in a triangle and spin around and break the asteroids into tiny little pieces. There, I just saved Spiliotopoulos a lot of time.



“Spiliotopoulos” is a strong, Greek name. It’s English translation, “Sippy Cup”, not so much
I know you can’t go on a movie-blog or watch an episode of Entertainment Tonight without hearing this, but it bears repeating:
HEY EMMERICH! “Root Beer Tapper: The Movie” or GTFO
Starship Troopers already had aliens that throw asteroids at earth. And tits.
If Nic Cage plays the triangle and attacks the barrage of asteroids with his forehead I’m in.
“Filmed in stunning 1-D!”
I thought there already was a steroids movie in development called “The Expendables 2″.
I’d rather watch a movie about how Kim Kardashian’s ass got so big called “Ass ‘roids”
The Mighty Feklahr will bet you gold pressed latinum that what this turns out to really be is Hank Williams Jr and Brett Ratner driving around in ATVs and chucking rocks at people with accents.
I hear Armond White isn’t busy. I bet he could turn it into a complex metaphor for Race Relations in the Time of the Tea Party. The asteroids represent sharing.
“the 1980s video game”…
That would be true, except that Asteroids was released in the 70s.
If I can correctly recall my film history class, Citizen Kane started out with a one page treatment that read, “Moon rocks, baby!”
So, this is gonna be a cross between Armageddon, Starship Troopers and Wing Commander? Can we still get Buscemi, Freddie Prinze, Jr and Casper Van Dien?
Denise Richards is welcome, provided she is naked and does not speak. Other than that, her presence is not required.
This was already made, kinda.
Broadcast on October 30th, 1994 on CBS was the Halloween program, “Without Warning”.
The TV movie had the gimmick of happening in real time.
A meteor impacts near a camp ground in Wyoming, it incinerated all the camp visitors. Except one… a little girl, dazed. But she’s speaking a foreign language. Soon two more meteor hit; France and China. The single survivor from France is doing the same.
Things get creepy. All three meteor start making a humming noise, a beacon. A whole town in America vanishes. Food on tables, cars empty on the streets. News hits that another meteor is coming. The Airforce send off fighters armed with nukes to stop the rock. They succeed, but that action brings about the end of the human race.
First contact was happening, we misunderstood and killed their envoy. They retaliated. Three more meteors are coming; Washington, Paris and Beijing. Each nation sends up missiles to blow up the menace. All were successful, the celebration is shorted lived. Live coverage from JPL shows men at their stations with the look of abject fear and shock. The camera pans over to the main screen, meteors – THOUSANDS of them.
Right before the end, we learn what the survivors were speaking – excerpts from the recording that was sent off with the Voyager probe.
What was great was the sponsor spots. They showed icy landscapes, foreshadowing the second ice age from all the debris ejected into the atmosphere.
This is on DVD, but hard to find. It stars Jane Kaczmarek, Bree Walker Lampley and Sander Vanocur. You may think I’ve spoiled it for you, I’ve left so much out. A lot happens. It only aired once. There were people who thought it was real as it aired and called their stations.
The movie started with an brief intro talking about how on October 30th, 1938 on CBS Radio, Orson Welles scared the nation. There were disclaimers between commercials. Somehow that info got lost on people.