If this feels like it isn’t the first time you’re hearing about Aaron Sorkin maybe possibly writing a Steve Jobs biopic, it’s because it isn’t. The news first hit last month, when Jobs’ corpse was still warm, when Sony paid a million dollars for Walter Isaacson’s Jobs biography. After that, Aaron Sorkin famously told Isaacson that “a million dollars isn’t cool.” Okay, not really, but word was, Sony wanted Aaron Sorkin to adapt Isaacson’s book, presumably because he did such great work on Sony’s

“Sony has asked me to write the movie and it’s something I’m strongly considering,” Sorkin told E! Online on Monday, Nov. 21 at the P.S. Arts Express Yourself event. “Right now I’m just in the thinking-about-it stages,” he said. “It’s a really big movie and it’s going to be a great movie no matter who writes it.”

“It doesn’t matter who writes it, you could hire a beagle in a tux.” Anyway, this next part of Hollywood Reporter’s piece is neither here nor there, but holy sh*t, you guys.

Following the news of Sony’s acquisition, The Hollywood Reporter asked veteran casting director Sharon Bialy who could embody Jobs in his older and younger years. Her suggestions: Ashton Kutcher, Andrew Garfield or Shia LeBeouf for young Jobs, and Keanu Reeves, Ralf Fiennes or Noah Wyle for older Jobs. [THR]

Let’s just stop and think for a second and try to imagine the world’s foremost visionary computer innovator being portrayed by ASHTON KUTCHER AND KEANU REEVES. I’m glad they identified her as a “veteran casting director,” because I’m pretty sure you could ask a schizophrenic vagrant in the midst of a Thunderbird freakout and get a better answer than Ashton Kutcher and Keanu Reeves. It might not make sense, but it’d make more sense than that.

In any case, something about this idea makes me hate it. It’s strange, if you asked me what I thought of Aaron Sorkin, I’d probably say that he’s a great writer, but the idea of him writing another biopic of a public figure feels like asking Kenny G to host a C-Span convention. The Social Network was impressive for making a slick, Hollywood flawed-hero story out of what was probably incredibly uninteresting in real life, and even sort of forgave itself for its slickness by being told through the memory of one of the characters. Moneyball was even slicker and cheesier, and I’m worried that if Aaron Sorkin continues down this path, his Jobs biopic is just going to be two hours of the Jobs character on his deathbed, being moved to tears as he watches his estranged daughter’s piano recital on an iPad while critics throw roses at the screen.