Coming soon to DVD and Blu Ray is The Scorpion King 3: Battle for Redemption, a film sure to delight even the most discerning of silly wig enthusiasts. It pits Billy Zane against Ron Perlman in an epic battle of scene-chewing wig wearing that could tear the world asunder, not to mention an elephant. It features cameos by the WWE’s Dave Bautista and an Asian chick who does Hadoukens. But let’s be honest, “starring Billy Zane and Kimbo Slice” is the only tagline a movie needs, the greatest tagline in the history of film — nay, the written word. God willing, someday that phrase will adorn the invitations to my wedding reception.
I forget who sent this to me, but I owe you one, friendo.
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Starring Dave Bautista as Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson, Billy Zane as Steven Brand, and Kimbo Slice as Michael Ian Duncan. With Ron Perlman as vile antisemitism.
you had me at Billy Zane. Oh Billy, stop looking at me like that, you’re getting me all moist. Now pick up that glass and let’s drink to The Phantom.
My dream, and I honestly believe it could come true, is for Ron Perlman to star in a movie with Eugene Levy. Those two make it seem as if Jews would do anything for a paycheck.
“You should listen to your brother, Billy Zane. He’s a cool dude! Now I’ll have to smash your face in until you look like a cavema- Oh!.. sorry” -Kimbo Slice’s only line in this
moviefilm, delivered to Ron PerlmanKimbo taught Billy strongness so that he could hold up those huge sleeves.
Listen to your friend Billy Zane, he’s a cool dude! But don’t listen to Kimbo Slice, he’s no one’s friend.
Billy Zane never met a wizard sleeve he didn’t like.
I really should read the other comments before I post . . .
*impressive self-flagellation ensues*
Mort, I don’t know about ‘starring’ or ‘movie’, but they both had bit parts in Duckman, appearing together in They Craved Duckman’s Brain! So there.
Ron Perlman isn’t a Jew. He’s a leftover Canaanite.
The only good thing Zane has ever been in is Kelly Brook.
OK, Tombstone.
@JD You know what they say: Great minds think about Zoolander quotes/Billy Zane
“invitations to my wedding reception”
I assume you’re marrying Zane. No way Kimbo’s parents let him end up with a gentile.
Wait, was that a Hadouken or a queef? Or is there no difference when woman does it?
This straight-to-DVD/BluRay video looks totally inZane!
Can he finally shoot DiCaprio in this one? Fucker needs a bullet.
Oh Billy, where did it all go wrong…
Billy Zane & Ron Perlman being cast means there was enough German investor money to not have to hire Ian Ziering and Kevin Sorbo. The real winner? Humanity.
Ron Pearlman is the white Kimbo, minus the beard and rape charges.
All Billy needs is about 10 minutes training on his ground and pound and Kimbo is F’d.
~checks to see if Billy Slice or Kimbo Zane are taken~…..~starts porn career~
I want that narrator to narrate my attempts to survive a hangover and get to work ontime. It’d make my crapulence seem noble.
@Homo, Billy just needs to land two good leg kicks, and since Kimbo doesn’t have any cartilage, his enemy is his inner knee.
I love when they say “an all new movie” in previews. It’s a verbal record scratch.