Here’s a picture of our favorite drill instructor, R. Lee Ermey, caught knitting on an airplane. I think we all know where this thread is going, so we might as well get to it, shall we? Thread! Get it? That’s a knitting pun, son!
“I WILL MOTIVATE YOU, PRIVATE PYLE! EVEN IF IT SHORT KNITS EVERY CARDIGAN IN THE CARGO!”
“THIS IS MY NEEDLE, THIS IS MY YARN, THIS ONE’S FOR WEAVING, THIS ONE’S FOR DARN!”
“TEXAS?! HOLY DROP STITCH!”
“YOUR DAYS OF FINGER-STITCHING MARY JANE ROTTENCROTCH’S PRETTY PINK PANTIES ARE OVER! YOU ARE MARRIED TO THESE PINS, AND YOU WILL BE FAITHFUL!”
“GOD HAS A HARD-ON FOR SEAMSTERS, BECAUSE WE KNIT EVERYTHING WE SEE!”
“YOU HAD BEST UNTUCK YOURSELF, OR I WILL UNSTITCH YOUR HEAD AND KNIT DOWN YOUR NECK!”
Anyway, I’m sure you guys can do better. I really wish I knew more knitting terminology.
[Picture via CrazyAuntPurl]
![[avatar]](http://p.uproxxcdn.com/photo/257/thumb)
![[image]](http://cdn.fd.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2011/08/Full-Metal-Jack-Push-ups1-150x150.gif)
![[image]](http://cdn.fd.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2011/08/Full-Metal-Jacket-SErkis-150x150.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.fd.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2011/06/Full-Metal-Jacket-Ermey-150x150.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.fd.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2010/08/full-metal-jacket-150x150.jpg)
“HELL, I LIKE YOU. YOU CAN COME OVER TO MY HOUSE AND KNIT ME A SWEATER!”
YOU CLIMB OBSTACLES LIKE OLD PEOPLE KNIT
“ARE YOU QUILTING FOR ME? WELL, ARE YOU? THEN QUILT, YOU SLIMY FUCKING WALRUS-LOOKING PIECE OF SHIT!”
“BASIC MILLINERY JOURNALISM? YOU GOTTA BE SHITTIN’ ME, JOKER!”
TEXAS? ONLY SLIP-STITCHERS AND ENGLISH KNITTERS COME FROM TEXAS, PRIVATE AGNES, AND YOU DON’T LOOK MUCH LIKE A SLIP-STITCHER TO ME SO THAT KINDA NARROWS IT DOWN! DO YOU KNIT SCARVES?
Bullshit, I bet you could knit a cross-stich through a darning-knot.
(I don’t know any knitting jargon)
PRIVATE JOKER, WHY DID YOU JOIN MY BELOVED CORPS?!
Sir, to knit, sir!
SO YOU’RE A KNITTER?!
Sir, yes sir!
LET ME SEE YOUR KNIT AND PURL STITCH!
Sir?
YOU GOT A PURL STITCH? AHHHH *clinkclink* THAT’S A PURL STITCH! NOW LEMME SEE YOUR PURL STITCH!
*clinkclinkclink* Ahhhhhhhh
BULLSHIT YOU DIDN’T CONVINCE ME. YOUR STITCH ISN’T FIT TO HOLD TOGETHER YOUR OWN ASS CHEEKS. WORK ON IT.
HOW TALL ARE YOU, PRIVATE? I DIDN’T KNOW YOU COULD KNIT SOCKS FOR A PILE OF SHIT THAT HIGH
YOU SEEM LIKE THE KIND OF GUY THAT WOULD KNIT A GUY A COCK-SOCK AND NOT EVEN HAVE THE DECENCY TO REACHAROUND AND SEE IF IT FITS!
What are you, some kind of fancy pants crocheter? Knitting’s not good enough for you? Get down and give me twenty drop stitches!
AS SOON AS YOUR QUILTS ARE DONE, I WANT YOU TWO TURDS TO KNIT SOME HATS! I WANT THOSE HATS SO TIGHT-KNIT AND SQUARED AWAY THAT THE VIRGIN MARY HERSELF WOULD BE PROUD TO GO IN AND TAKE A DUMP!
“What we have here, little yellow sister, is a magnificent specimen of pure Alabama black snake. But it ain’t to God damn beau coup.”
I think I missed the point.
I don’t think it’s weird that he has knitting needles on hand.
What else will he gouge your eyes out with before he skull fucks you?
HOLY DOG SHIT, TEXAS! ONLY KNITTERS AND CROCHETERS COME FROM TEXAS, PRIVATE COWBOY! AND YOU DON’T LOOK MUCH LIKE A KNITTER TO ME, SO THAT KINDA NARROWS IT DOWN!
Jesus H. Christ! You’re not a writer. You’re a knitter!
THIS IS MY SWEATER. THERE ARE MANY LIKE IT BUT THIS ONE IS MINE…
WHAT IS YOUR MAJOR MALFUNCTION NUM-KNITS? DIDN’T MOMMY AND DADDY SHOW YOU ENOUGH PINS AND NEEDLES WHEN YOU WERE A CHILD?!
These comments are great! Just thought you might want to read where the picture originally came from. [www.crazyauntpurl.com]