"Don't you eyeball f*ck me, motherf*cker, I will cut you the f*ck up cuz I ain't afraid to go back to prison. I'll f*ck you till you love me, fagg*t. Yo, Grizz, hold my pearls."

Before we get started, I know what you’re thinking: Thank God! Another contemporary Jane Austen adaptation! Between Pride and Prejudice and Zombies, Pride and Predator, Sense and Sensibility and Sea Monsters, a Latin adaptation of Sense and Sensibility, and a Mormon movie about Jane Austen LARPing, it’s like we’ve barely scratched the surface. WILL THE KITSCH VALUE EVER DECLINE? PLEASE, TELL ME MORE ABOUT VICTORIAN SOCIAL MORES!

Now that I’ve sufficiently whetted your appetite, today’s news is that Nora Ephron (Julie & Julia, You’ve Got Mail) is set to adapt Lost in Austen. Which is, GET THIS: a modern take on Pride and Prejudice (adapted from a 2008 British miniseries).

…about a modern-day Jane Austen fan who finds herself dropped into the middle of the events of Pride & Prejudice. The original Lost in Austen series saw London woman Amanda Price (Jemima Rooper) switching places with Pride & Prejudice heroine Elizabeth Bennett (Gemma Arterton) via a magic portal in Amanda’s 21st century bathroom. Amanda attempts to ensure that events unfold as they did in Austen’s novel, but finds herself falling for the handsome Mr. Darcy (Elliot Cowan). The present-day setting will be moved to New York City for Ephron’s adaptation. No cast is attached at this time. [SlashFilm]

Wow, a “Gemma” AND a “Jemima” in the cast? Benedict Cumberbatch may have to repowder his wig. Anyway, this premise doesn’t sound at all like Austenland, the novel being adapted by Jerusha Hess and produced by Stephenie Meyer:

Jane is forced to confront her Austen obsession when her wealthy great-aunt Carolyn dies and leaves her an all-expenses-paid vacation to Pembrook Park, a British resort where guests live like the characters in Jane’s beloved Austen novels. Jane sees the trip as an opportunity for one last indulgence of her obsession before she puts it “all behind her—Austen, men, fantasies, period,” but the lines between reality and fiction become pleasantly blurred as Jane acclimates to the world of Spencer jackets and stringent etiquette rules, and finds herself torn between the Darcyesque Mr. Nobley and a forbidden tryst with Pembrook Park’s gardener.

Okay, so they do sound pretty similar. But as long as there’s enough Jane Austen to go around, no one’s complaining. People can never get enough Jane Austen. Especially the brothers.