UPDATE: See below.
We don’t know much about this picture of Kirk Cameron, other than that it came from the Twitter of Christian video blogger Lane Chaplin, accompanied by the message “Happy Birthday, Kirk Cameron!”
Let’s infer that it’s Kirk Cameron, probably at his production offices, celebrating his birthday with Subway, the most Jesus-y of sandwiches. OOOH, AND CAN I GET EXTRA DRESSING TOO?? YAAAAAAY! I’M GONNA DIP IT IN ZESTY ITALIAN! THANKS HEAVENLY FATHER, THIS IS THE BEST DAY EVER!
I feel bad for poor Belinda back there, forced to wait outside the office door.
Silly, Belinda, cake is for birthday boys. Can’t you read the door?
(*forever alone*)
Poor Belinda. -via Buzzfeed
UPDATE: I just realized that Kirk Cameron turned 42, and there are 42 inches of sandwich on that table. Mother of God, this may have been even sadder than we thought. Nevermind, he’s 41. Close enough.
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“Footlongs are for closers, Belinda! You can come inside the PRIVATE room when you’ve at least guest starred on Full House”
“Show me that smile again, asshole.”
Belinda made a remark about the sandwiches, and now Kirk can’t NOT see a cock.
Shortly after this picture was taken, he brought Belinda out back and beat her to death with a baseball bat because his Dad told him it would save his marriage.
His sister wives are much to look at, but goddamit when Kirk says sammich, he gets sammich.
@Jessolido I saw that as “Footloose are for closers….” Damn you Filmdrunk, now I see everything as Footloose.
If you will all excuse me… nowdagotacutaloose.
*aren’t* much to look at
Kirk may look lonely at that table, but the Holy Spirit is there with him. Although the Spirit bailed early to hang out with cool people.
I thought Kirk always ate bananas to make atheists feel dumb.
Not pictured: mirth.
Everyone gets a sandwich of their choice on this special birthday… you must provide your own drinks.
If he were any fucking good at this he would’ve only needed two footlongs, tops. Maybe a few fish.
“All hail our Lord and Saviour Jared who was forced to eat nothing but Subway sandwiches for our sins!”
“AMEN!”
He’s partaking in the Eucharist. Subway: Eat Flesh.
“And thank you, Lord, for this bounty of $5 Footlongs we are about to rece- GD it, Belinda! I thought I told you to close the door! I will allow entry to ONE heathen only, and Sarah already took her spot by the garbage bin!”
Don’t be surprised if “Candace” is written on each of those subs.
“Would you like a beverage with that, sir?”
“Mountain Dew. I want my unction EXTREME.”
“Got it. For your sandwiches, should we toast the host?”
Give us this day our daily bread…. foot long whole wheat bread. And women must wait for the man to eat first. Its in the bible Belinda, don’t give me that look.
I heard banana peppers are proof of intelligent design.
Belinda’s just taking cover from what Kirk’s gonna do to that cake next.
Is that woman in the corner standing in a box? She better damn well get in it then!
What happens next is that he realizes what a glutton he’s being for eating all those sandwiches and cake alone. Instead of sharing them he decides to smash them with a baseball bat because it’s their fault for tempting him and not his for being weak.
I can’t remember if this is the day he was born or born again.
Susan! I said no more phallic foods in the office unless it was designed by God and disproves evolution. God doesn’t want your evil homosexual shapes tempting me. Not again. Get in the corner with the trash.
Oh, there’s Belinda with the cake. Thank you, Belinda. See, Susan? Belinda understands the importance of heterosexual foodstuffs. Now, I’ll just blow these flaming- GOD DAMN IT, BELINDA!
“I wish… Belinda can never tell a lie.” *blows out candles* “Belinda were you staring at my rear end again?”
“Yes, your Holyness.”
“It’s ok, God forgives you. unless you queefed on my sub again, DID YOU QUEEF ON MY SUB AGAIN?!”
“Yes.”
“Belinda, I think you might be the one person who DID evolve from a monkey fish-frog”
I NEEEEED to see Belinda’s half melted face photoshopped onto some movie posters where the characters seem to be having some sort of hilarity going on.
It’ll be like the angel of death lurking in the corner, super sad that she can’t join the fun.
This photo is obviously post-rapture.
The invite said it would take place “baby, rain or shine.”
I just feel bad for whoever is getting that half-long while the rest get whole-long sammiches. And where’s the middle of the cake? A Butt Cake is no birthday cake. Kirk is really fucking up with Jesus.
This scene is more depressing than my last birthday when I shared Chipotle with my dog and she got the end with all the guac in it. Bitch.
This picture just makes me sad.
THE GOOD LORD SMITES THOSE WHO REFUSE TO BE SATISFIED WITH A FOOD LION BIRTHDAY CAKE. THOSE WHO ABSTAIN WILL INHERIT THE EARTH. THUS SAYS THE LORD. (6:17-19; Rug Munchers)
He looks really happy to be about to eat those dong-shaped sammiches.
Another birthday celebrated with three 12 inchers and a 6 incher.
“Ah, Kirk, that juice is for EVERYBODY…”