Last week, we posted this now-infamous photo of Kirk Cameron’s birthday party. It was originally posted on Twitter by Christian Vlogger Lane Chapman, who didn’t provide much context. Naturally, we had to invent our own. Like that Kirk was celebrating his 41st birthday with 42 inches of Subway sandwiches (the extra inch represents “and many more”). Or that poor Belinda back there had to stand outside as punishment for accidentally humming a Fleetwood Mac song. (“Secular music is a sin, Belinda! Stay outside and think about what you’ve done!”).
Well now, some people who actually attended the birthday party have come forward to say that despite what the picture looks like, it was actually super fun and everyone came. Chapman, the original poster, wrote:
I posted the pic to wish Kirk happy birthday. Much of the media made their own conclusions which I do not share. Happy birthday, Kirk!
Meanwhile, some folks at Yahoo spoke to some others attendees to get the full story:
Cameron, who is now pursuing a new television career as a Christian evangelist and co-host of an evangelical show called “The Way of the Master,” spent his birthday at Living Waters Ministry in Bellflower, Calif. The ministry’s staff threw him a small party, and ordered from Subway. Lane Chaplin, a student at nearby Trinity Law School and a guest at the party, snapped a photo of Cameron blowing out the candles on a cake in Living Waters’ rather sparse conference room.
According to a person at the party who spoke to The Cutline, there were 10-15 people behind the camera when the photo of Cameron was taken. [Yahoo/Cutline]
Oh right, our bad. A millionaire had his 41st birthday party catered with five-dollar sandwiches. It would be silly of us to imply that that wouldn’t be totally awesome. Though if Kirk Cameron actually fed those 15 people with just four sandwiches… well, he may not be on Jesus’s level yet, but you have to admit, it’s still pretty impressive.
Shut the f*ck up, Belinda! No sandwich for sinners!
Aw, but zesty Hawaiian is my favorite. ;-(
(*forever alone*)
![[avatar]](http://p.uproxxcdn.com/photo/257/thumb)
![[image]](http://cdn.fd.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2013/05/classic-video-kirk-cameron-stars-in-sex-lies-the-truth-150x150.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.fd.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2013/05/nic-cage-to-star-in-left-behind-reboot-for-cloud-ten-150x150.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.fd.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2012/05/Ian-Mckaye-birthday-150x150.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.fd.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2012/01/ronald-reagan-bonzo-1-150x150.jpg)
If by “everybody came” you mean Kirk gave it to Belinda up the back door I’d be inclined to believe you. I can look at that broad and tell that an anal intrusion is the only way she’d be able to climax. It’s science.
The magic show was even better! Cameron had snuck a walkie talkie to one of the old dried out bushes right outside the conference room window, and when Belinda dropped her cigarette and lit it aflame, he pretended to be the voice of God and admonished her in front of everyone!
After she ran off crying, Kirk encored by turning water into banana smoothies. What a guy!
The person in charge of drinks fucked up BIG time.
How long was that stripper frapped in the blender before she fit into that fucking little cake?
Let’s see… there’s Kirk, Belinda, ‘ol “Dumpy” Diane Dempster (by the garbage bins, natch)… Jesus and God are always with Kirk… Now, I attended a questionable public school (with our wacky Canadian metric system, no less!), but I’m pretty sure that only makes 5 people…
Oh Belinda, at least feed the good folks at The Cutline a believable lie, like that the guests were all arriving in the same bus which had to make a quick detour for an emergency baptism…
The saddest thing about the picture is the cake. Are there no bakeries in Bellflower? Is buttercream frosting ungodly?
Eat that veggie on wheat dry, Belinda! Condiments are for converts!
Kirk loved the clowns!
(work safe)
Belinda’s birthday surprise was that she had filled the balloons with jenkem!
Somehow I doubt Kirk Cameron is a millionaire anymore.
After “Chutes and Brimstone”, everyone gathered around for a game of “Pin The Shame On The Infidel Homosexual”!
Kirk’s favourite present was a new protest sign that looks like a dead fetus with a milk moustache and says, “GOT ABORTION?”
@DEVO
Do you? Because his Christian movies regularly make 30 times their budget.
[en.wikipedia.org]
Looks like the silverware and napkins were LEFT BEHIND!
*Unicycles offstage, falls into lake of fire, laments sinful life*
Kirk: “Aw, thanks, Tom! 101 Arguments From Incredulity…just what I wanted!”
‘The Way of the Master’ featuring Master Shredder and The Footlong Clan
I would posit that anyone who came immediately felt pretty guilty about it
The “Intelligent Design Microscope” Cameron received as a gift turned out just to be a View-Master with slides from Charlton Heston’s “The Ten Commandments”.
Religion: A piggy bank for the unscrupulous.
Grandma Cameron knitted him a new pair of “Chastity Mittens”!
“OK, it’s party picture time! Everybody GET OUT OF THE WAY.”–nobody, ever
We also weren’t able to see the whole group singing, “5… 5 dollar tithings…”
In their defense, they ordered on the light side knowing that Tracy Gold probably wouldn’t be eating.
If I haven’t mentioned it before, or even if I have, where are the fucking bananas, Kirk?
[www.youtube.com]
Kirk: “Why was there only one set of footprints in the sand behind me?”
Jared: “That party looked lame, yo.”
If Kirk is Jesus, then the woman in the doorway is definitely Mary Magdalene. She has the look of a repentant prostitute, coming down from her last taste of meth.
… On the 5th Day, the Lord thy God created $5 Dollar Footlongs™. And so Blimpies was forsaken.
Kirk saw this pic and thought, “Awww, how sad. There but for the grace of gaaawwwdammit, that’s me isn’t it. That’s my life now? Shit. Where the fuck is Belinda?! I need to punch something in the face and hatefuck it!”
Sweet, The Way of the Master is on. Hey, what the hell is this shit? Where’s Bruce Lee and all the Kung Fu action?
Wow. In your FACE Liberal Media Conspiracy!!!!
Kirk Cameron’s birthday was totally boss and way super cool fun!
Belinda had to stand outside because she’s not a virgin. PRAISE JEBUS!!!!
I could believe 10 people could squeeze into that tiny ass room if they remember that life starts at erection. Subway isn’t the only one supplying the foot longs. I see you back there Belinda, tempting everyone to sin.
This is a lot funnier than over on the other site where there was a shit storm of Jesus Trolls(TM) that poofed in.
P.S. I’d don’t think that’s extra mayo!