"Hey, kid! Stop all the downloadin'!"
Martin Scorsese’s 3D family movie, Hugo, opens November 23rd, a month before Steven Spielberg’s similarly Oscar-baity offerings, War Horse and Tin Tin. Starring Sacha Baron Cohen, Jude Law, Ben Special K Kingsley, Chloe Moretz, and newcomer Asa Butterfield, Hugo is based on the book The Invention of Hugo Cabret. The plot concerns an orphan who lives in the walls of a 30s French train station, who meets a nice girl who might hold the key to his dead father’s robot. Together, they can solve life’s mysteries and find true happiness if they can keep from getting mustachio’d by an evil security guard [citation needed]. I don’t know if it’s just my inappropriate crush on Chloe Moretz or my infamous dago bias, but if you ask me, this whimsical period piece about orphaned robot enthusiasts looks way better than Spielberg’s cheesy, maudlin horse porn.
There aren’t any velociraptors, but it does have this crazy fire-breathing dragon puppet thing:
And just for fun:
[HD at Apple]
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I’ll have some witty retort as soon as I remove this huge horse c*ck from my mouth.
Wowsa, come on down to Theater 12, see if the aging pedophiles can derail the youngsters sliding towards steampunk. Scorsese fans wondering when De Niro is going to show up and kill somebody! A demographic clusterfuck for the ages!
or my infamous dago bias
Well everybody knows that “Hugo” is just the singular imperative case of “Dago” for greasy WOPs.
I was just diagnosed with a singular imperative case of Dago. Telethon details TBD.
my infamous dago bias
Don’t you mean, “my infamous dago back hair”? Makes more sense that way…
“Hugo, Dago, we all go to Hugo!” - Peter Travers, whispered post-coitally into Vince’s ear
Sexy children and horse porn in the same the same season? 4chan, you’ve hit the big time at last!
+/- 1 “the same” up there, friendo
Is Vince positing that it was actually Spielberg that penned Shakespeare’s great works?
This gives me a great idea for a movie. Robots vs. Horses. That may sound kind of boring because obviously the robots would have the advantage. However, the horses are united by a “horse queen” who directs them and has special powers. I have no idea what well known actress could play such a part, but I’m sure if we tried really hard we could think of somebody.
Scorsese was actually the 2nd director to get this script. The first left abruptly after finding out the plot synopsis “little girl holds key to turning on wonderful man, no parents around” was a little misleading.
You’ll be missed, Polanski.
The only person I want taking a shot at whimsy less than Scorsese is Tom Six.
Aw, all Hugo really wants is some ham!
Shakespeare’s cheesy, maudlin horse porn
Maudlin horse porn is cheesy, I agree. I prefer my horse porn to be plastic and unimaginative… like real porn.
Rated PG for smoking? It better fucking be from orphanages/retirement homes being set on fire!
Chloe Moretz: Born February 17, 1997.
FOUR MORE YEARS! FOUR MORE YEARS!
French Whimsy=euphemism for Frotteurism
Well, that trailer certainly had less of the original trailer’s emphasis on Sacha Baron Cohen’s attempt to muscle in on Rowan Atkinson’s Mr Bean type shenanigans, i.e. the “Oh no a giant cake. He’s not going to crash into it is he?” Spoilers. You bet your ass he is.
It’s interesting that Johnny Depp is first billed on the credited cast on IMDB and he’s no where near both trailers; unless i’m blind.
newcomer Assa Butterface
Mom?
Extremely disappointed that this article was the only result when I googled “chloe moretz” and “horse porn.” Guess there’s nothing to do now but sit and wait for the FBI to show up.
Vince thinks Spielberg is Shakespeare now. So racist…
Chloe look out!!! That big penised train station dude is trying to rape you!!!