Last week, a man made headlines when he courageously threw a hot dog at Tiger Woods as Woods was leaving the seventh green at CordeValle Golf Club near San Jose during the Frys.com Open. The Santa Rosa Press Democrat recently tracked down that man, who turned out to be a 31-year-old Petaluma native named Brandon Kelly. This lead to one of my all-time favorite news quotes. Let’s enjoy it together: 
“I threw the hot dog toward Tiger Woods because I was inspired by the movie ‘Drive,’” Kelly said. “As soon as the movie ended, I thought to myself, ‘I have to do something courageous and epic. I have to throw a hot dog on the green in front of Tiger.’”
Somewhere, David Lynch just cried tears of joy.
Meanwhile, in a similar act of journalistic excellence, Moviefone has an interview with Kirk, a guy who looks like Ryan Gosling’s Drive mask.
It is a glorious time to be alive.
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T-Minus 2 weeks and counting until Werner Herzog documentary on the topic
When I think of Tiger woods, all I can say is “Is poo poo ok?”
does it make any sense to you?
Ay haff zeen ze abyss unt it vas beutiful. It srew und franfurter at mit unt Ay cried at ziss zimpul exprassion uf joy.
How come shotgun shells come in packs of ten, yet shotgun barrels come in packs of two? What’s the deal with that?
It fits, because sexing one of Tiger’s whores is like throwing a hotdog down a hallway.
Ja, Erswi, die frankfurter ist zo shtunning, yes? Such ein zimple shape und yet we eat zem wizzout zinking about zeir zecret abysses.
I hope the next movie that guy watches is Human Centipede.
Dang, too late to make the “hot dog down a hallway” joke. I mean, if that’s your thing, to go after the easy laugh. Me, I’ll be over here brooding about something that’s REALLY funny. What? No I’m not gonna tell you!
I am suing the makers of Drive for inspiring someone to waste hot dogs, and the lack of Vin Diesel.
This reminds me, I just watched Crazy, Stupid, Love. I’m gonna go shoot hobo’s with t-shirt guns now.
I tossed a wiener on the green at an LPGA event, but half the players couldn’t tell what it was and the other half beat it with their clubs.
What a massive plum
Kelly was also inspired after watching Caddyshack, so he threw a Baby Ruth in Ryan Gosling’s pool.
Tiger Woods as next spokesperson for Ballpark Franks: “Mmm mmm this wiener is a One-in-Hole!”