The Oscars are a mere four months away, so of course that means it’s time to prognosticate. After a series of studio campaigns rife with glad-handing and handjobs, which films will The Academy choose to honor this year with a nomination? I have no f*cking clue considering that most of the current favorites aren’t available to screen yet for peons such as myself, but I sure as hell can analyze other people’s opinions to form my own.
Horse porn, 9/11, white people defying intolerance, and tinker tailors are just a few hot button subjects explored in this year’s likely Academy Awards contenders. There’s so much Oscarbaitin’ goin on you’ll need a wet towel to wipe off the praiseful pull-quotes flying at your face. Oscar loves nothing more than a hot load of 5 out of 5 stars. So allow me to officially kick off FilmDrunk’s 2012 Oscar coverage by breaking down which films I believe will get a nod next year.
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Words like “enchanting” and “magical” were not the first to spring to mind upon seeing the trailer for Hugo. “Fucking” and “boring” and “annoying” were.
Jean Dujardin is in OSS 117, which is hifuckinglarious. So… good for him.
Saw the Artist at NYFF. It was damn decent.
On one hand: that was a nice summary. On the other hand: fuck, do I hate the Oscars and everything they stand for.
Meh, so long as the Chemical Brothers win best original score for Hanna I won’t burn down the building. Have a nice day, Eddie Murphy.
You only left off Bucky Larson because you didn’t get it, man.
Bucky Larson is too high-brow for the Academy.
The Help is actually a pretty good movie. I don’t think it’s Oscar-worthy as a whole, but Viola Davis killed it.
And Midnight in Paris is surprisingly excellent.
Can we start pushing for JGL to get a nod for 50/50? I know it won’t happen, but it should.
I thought Hugo looked awesome. War Horse looks like a shameless, self-parodical shitpile.
I hope Nordic Rape Party gets some Oscar cred. I’m not sure where it started to go bad, but rape gets SUCH a bad rap these days.
Rape is like the German-with-an-eye-patch of things you can do with a penis. No one even gives it the benefit of the doubt.
Hi, I’m here for the glad-hand-jobs?
I applaud any and all reasons to show that picture of Rachel McAdam’s ass. I said GOT DAMN!
You only left off Bucky Larson because you didn’t get it, man.
No. Lar-Buck was snubbed because of its piteous lack of British accents.
Hey, whoever registered as me, I’m going to find you and kick you in the throat, okay? Because you fucking suck.
Not to kill the mood, but I thought we discovered that was a stunt-ass for McAdams.
Vin Diesel’s genius, fucked again.
I, a reader, approve of this blog post author. To explain further, this was funny as hell.
I don’t need my horse porn to change anyone’s life but my own.
Midnight in Paris? Wasn’t that the sequel to One Night in Paris?
“I’m merely speculating, but the subject matter in The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo might be too much for Academy members to handle.”
How do the Academy’s members react to a story about rape? We go live to Woody Allen.
This IS Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close: An XXX Porn Parody
You see, it’s funny because it works on multiple levels.
What is an Ian Sobel? AAAAAHHHH REALITY IS SETTING IN! IT’S HURTING HIM!
Oh sure, of course that doesn’t get flagged for moderation. Bleeding favouritism.
I think very few of the listed films are going to get any sort of nods. A lot of “real” Oscar contenders stay in the shadows until December and then sneak out like a rat leaving its droppings then scurrying away.
Tintin (and War Horse) are probably going to get a bunch. Gonna be a Spielberg Rub-athon Appreciation Night!
Oh also J. Edgar is definitely gonna win something. A boring biography about some old farthead with a hidden past/dark side?! All the little Oscar statues have little golden chubbies.