"Ahoy, Fair Lady Fapulet, that is a sick tat. Wouldst thou like to bang?"
The other day, a PR rep for an adult film company contacted me, asking if I'd like the exclusive on some pictures from a "beautiful, adult modernization of Romeo and Juliet," directed by Lee Roy Meyers. (He's like the Russ Meyers of full penetration). I figured, hey, why not? This is a classy website, right? So here we are.
Oh, but Lee Roy Meyer's Romeo and Juliet isn't just a hot spank flick full of sexy porn stars bumping uglies -- it's also a real-life love story!
In the past, the director has received acclaim for creating movies perfectly geared towards women and couples, with an emphasis on love and high production values. What the director didn't count on, was a real life love story playing out behind the scenes between the movie's stars!
Romeo (Rocco Reed) and Juliet (Chanel Preston) had their first conversation on set and instantly fell in love... then the hot, passionate sex scene in the movie further fueled their desire for one another. The two are now inseparable.
Aw, it was love at first cum shot! It's so romantic, I can't wait to watch these two love birds fill each other's greasy holes with all manner of depravity. If the police hadn't taken away that f*ck doll I made out of butter and shotgun shells, I'd hug it right now.
"Wouldst not my c*nt by any other name still smell as sweet?"
"But bro, she's a Fapulet! If thou didst bang her, her dad would be hella pissed."
"For you and I are past our dancing days. Let's find some hot, thick wiener."
"O Juliet! She doth teach the torch to suck a mean c*ck!"
"Did my boner get hard before now? Forswear it totally didn't bro, not until I'd seen thine titties."
"A plague on both of you homos, bro!"
"Thy head is as full of quarrels as Juliet's box is full of wieners."
"I like your mask, bro, let's sword fight."
"Hark, it is the east, and there are some sluts."
"Not stepping o'er the bounds of modesty, let's stop at 'anal.'"
"Oh, Romeo! Deny thy father and get up in these guts!"
"O that I were a glove upon that hand, that I might f*ck that dirty twat."
"Hark, fair Romeo, doth not jizz on mine mask, and ruin its glitter."
"Wouldst thine nurse like to get in on this action? Fret not, fair sluts, mine beef loaf is large enough to share."
"But Lady Fapulet, trust that I wouldst bang thee, o'er and o'er and o'er again, as much as it would take to get thine rocks off."
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More like Blowmeo.
This is kind of like Tromeo & Juliet but with a better story.
Handjobs are such sweet sorrow
That love will never last. Just wait until she finds herself an Othello.
The Taming of the Spew
No
John LeguizamoClaire Danes? :0(The Mountadudes and the Fapulets, I take it?
Have you tried e-mailing Brian Dennehy?
“Oh, true apothecary! Thy drugs cause massive boners!”
Fuck. I meant Paul Sorvino.
Dennehy is waiting to give you moral support at the next premiere you attend.
Romeo: O, wilt thou leave me so unsatisfied?
Juliet: What satisfaction canst thou have to-night?
Romeo: The exchange of thy love’s faithful vow for mine, or y’know, a blowjob? Is anal out of the question?
Truly Vince’s greatest work.
So does anybody have any insight as to how they handle the plot point where Romeo is exiled from the V for stabbing the saucy Tybalt in the heat of passion?
Great, as if I don’t get enough tragedy in my real sex life.
The two are now inseparable.
Try turning the hose on them, it works for dogs.
I can’t wait for the scene where Romeo kills Titbolt with a f*cksaw
The two are now inseparable.
The Great Lube Shortage of 2011 claims two more victims.
Good gentle sluts, tempt not a desperate bro.
It’s a modern retelling of the classic Shakespearean tragedy, but with less retelling and more fucking.
I await with dropped trou for the Gnomeo and Juliet parody.
My faith in true love has been restored.
“Do you wank your cock at us, sir?!”
“No, I do not wank my cock at you sir, but I wank my cock, sir!”
Wasn’t Juliet 16 in this play? Why isn’t this bitch in pigtails? Everybody knows that pigtails is how you let people know that the 25-year old slut in your fuckpic is supposed to be playing a teenager.
I wouldn’t mind Shaking my Speare at her!
Tries to get bowtie to spin, fails miserably
The two are now inseparable.
In a case of life imitating art, Chanel Preston’s dad won’t approve the union, because “You’re still a filthy c*cksucking whore, just like you’re c*nt mother!!!!!”
**Kicks dog in head, slaps nearest child, uncle dashes in and molests everyone in the room under 15**
Wait, can I change my vote from “Fapulets” to “Copulates”?
That’s how this works, right?
“A VD a’ both your houses!” Said by Mercutio when Tybalt sticks his dick between Romeo’s legs and penetrates Mercutio’s ass.
“It seems she hangs upon the chin of night like a rich load from an Ethiope’s dong.”
Juliet: Stand not amazed, hence be gone!
* removes fist, realizes his watch is missing *
Romeo: I am fortune’s fool!
Seriously? Joss Whedon directed this?
this will still be more accurate than the baz luhrmann version
They’ve making this out of found frottage.
Rebellious subjects! Enemies to peace! Of ass!
I’m guessing, scar-crossed lovers
What light through yonder window breaks? It is the cops, and Juliet is a teen.
Booty too rich for use, for Earth too dear.
Tis true what they say,
“Parting is such sweet sorrow…”
mostly though because of the burning sensation that is left behind.
“From this day to the ending of the world,
But we in it shall be remembered-
We few, we happy few, we band of brothers . . . ”
“Uhhh, hey Bromeo. You’re my boy and all but No Homo.”
* I might have borrowed a bit of dialogue from the gay porn production of Henry V.
** Which I would totally watch!
A rose by any other name would still smell like fish.
Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are dead. Dead sexy more like, RROOWR.
Haha, guess which spaz commented before he looked at the pics?
Go on. Guess!
More honourable state, more courtship lives
In carrion flies than Romeo. They may seize
On the white wonder of dear Juliet’s hand
And steal immortal blessing from her lips,
Who, even in pure and vestal modesty,
Still blush, as thinking their own kisses sin;
But she’ll only do anal ’cause she wants to stay a virgin.
I normally dont respond to such rubbish. However Vince Mancini is a total idiot. Having beeing porno star, and knowing what the men and women do for our nation, its appauling the idiots can write things such as this slam. while I may not agree with all of Rocco Reed’s expoits, this is a story people should know of. or maybe we could let the Porno peoples take Vinny along on a shoot and see first hand what its like to live in that world for a while. Ahhh the smell of Del Taco, the sound of ass cheeks slappings, the procussion of the faked orgasisms….those were the days… (NOT) Vinny if you want to slam someone, do it from experience.
There’s an ‘EXEUNT OMNES’ joke here somewhere, I just know it.
@ Bubb Rubb – who’s Vinny? Is he beeing writer for FilmDrunk?
“What cellulite thru yonder window breaks?”
- Romeo! Romeo! Wherefore art thou jizzing on my face?
- I beg your pardon?
- I mean, ‘How cam’st thou hither, tell me, and wherefore?’
- Oh, right.
A plague o’ both your houses!
Duh, herpes. Roll camera!
I hope they include the scene where Tybalt bangs his aunt.
There’s an ‘EXEUNT OMNES’ joke here somewhere, I just know it.
@Ace, I think it may be with Romeo’s watch.
Very classy ass grab from a man of pure heart and 10 inches.
I Doth protest, you cameth in my eye
BTK, is “PR rep from an adult film company” code for anyone we might know?
“O happy dagger, here is thy sheath!”
*points to both their crotches*
Alas poor Soredick. I blew him well, Fellatio.
Ace Rimmer said: “Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are dead. Dead sexy more like, RROOWR.”
Shh! Quiet, or Vince will get angry hate mail from their sisters’ google searching their names on movie blogs at random! It’s happened before…
Also, in Shakespearean news, today is St. Crispin’s Day.
However, in the porn parody of Henry V, it will not be true that, “The fewer men, the greater share of honour.”