
Universal has released the first pictures and teaser (which consists of a series of still pictures – watch it below) for American Reunion. Which, for the record, is a semi-reboot/sequel which picks up the storyline of the third movie and ignores the last four direct-to-DVD sequels (here’s a handy chart). As you can see, the gang’s all back together: Sh*tbrick, Pie F*cker, Flute Pussy, Jizz Drinker, Beardy, Whatsherface… pretty much everyone except Natasha Lyonne. But TooFab does report that both she and Shannon Elizabeth are confirmed for the sequel. So I have to assume she’s either passed out behind a dumpster like a raccoon, or threatening to have sex with someone’s dog again.
Official Synopsis:
In the comedy American Reunion, all the American Pie characters we met a little more than a decade ago are returning to East Great Falls for their high-school reunion. In one long-overdue weekend, they will discover what has changed, who hasn’t and that time and distance can’t break the bonds of friendship.
It was summer 1999 when four small-town Michigan boys began a quest to lose their virginity. In the years that have passed, Jim and Michelle married while Kevin and Vicky said goodbye. Oz and Heather grew apart, but Finch still longs for Stifler’s mom. Now these lifelong friends have come home as adults to reminisce about – and get inspired by – the hormonal teens who launched a comedy legend.
The story of this film is actually a lot like the Royal Tenenbaums. A group of young prodigies made headlines while they were still teenagers, and for a while they were the talk of the town, and everyone marveled at their enormous potential. But then they all just gradually flamed out — Chris Klein walked through the raindrops in Street Fighter and had that awesome Mamma Mia audition, Jason Biggs made a rom-com where Eva Longoria was a ghost and another with Dane Cook, Stifler went to rehab, Tara Reid took drugs and got bad implants, and Mena Suvari got bangs. But now they’re back under one roof, trying to put back the pieces and figure out what went wrong. Maybe that’s where Natasha Lyonne comes in — she crashes her car into the reunion party high on mescaline with her face painted like a Mexican wrestler muttering “Wildcat.” I could see it.










” . . . Tara Reid took drugs and got bad implants . . . ”
WRONG.
” . . . Tara Reid took A MASSIVE PILE OF drugs and got MIND-BLOWINGLY, EYE-MELTINGLY bad implants . . . ”
Better.
Tara Reid’s stomach looks like Kahless’ forehead. Forshakky.
Aw, you pahTeqs always go to lunch just when He thinks He is being funny!
For Shaggy! is the For Madden! of the new generation.
All joking aside*, I’m looking forward to this. The first American Pie was stupid fun. I had a good time watching it the first time around. Now despite Steven Seagal’s efforts, I continue to age and recently said “go fuck yourselves” to the douche bags organizing my high school reunion. But I kind of wonder what all those assholes are up to these days. I might have even grown up a bit, so I’m interested to see how the jizz-drinking, piss-drinking, pie-fucking, instrumental-mastubation, and MILF jokes might have evolved over the past 12 years. (Wait? Are they having a 12-year Reunion? WTF?)
(*The Incredible Tulk knows that this might get him kicked off this blog)
Is anyone excited for this? Aside from the actors getting paychecks, I mean.
*Raises hand.
*Looks around eagerly.
*Slowly lowers hand in awkward fashion.
*Skulks back into the crowd.
It’s gonna be hard to find things to make fun of about this movie. I mean, Mena Suvari covered her giant drive-in theatre forehead with those bangs. What else was there to possibly insult about this collection of fine thespians?
I’m sorry, but that one dude will always be the Rookie of the Year, Henry Razenboozer. Err, Rowenmocker. Uh…Robin…flaven.
/Gary Busey runs in the room and yells, “HAVE TO” and eats a candle.
If Chris Klein’s character isn’t a gym teacher in this, then I will eat the pie off of Jason Biggs’s dick.
If Chris Klein brings back his stunning performance from Street Fighter, i’ll be there opening night.
What about my complete indifference toward any of these actors – does that make an appearance in this film?
Hey girl, I walk through the gum drops. Ha ha, they’re fruity and sweet!
How many gawdamned
DuggarsStifflers are there?10 years back you say? Seems like yesterday. But when you stop to think that in a few years, 1955 will be as far away from when Back to the Future came out as BttF is from now, you really feel like a burst ‘roid.
Crapbasket…next time go the extra mile and steal the exact wording because it was much easier to understand the way it was written on reddit. And how long have you been waiting for any post that vaguely mentions time passing to use that?
Where is Sherman?
And Kumar.
This guy fucks pie through the raindrops.
Why does everyone call the guy who banged Stifler’s mom “Shitbrick”? It’s Shit-break, as in he takes a break to go and shit. Always bugged me.
Shit break would make more sense, but to me it always sounded like they were calling him “shitbrick.”
I just Googled “American Pie script” and Ctrl+F’ed “Shitbreak”(is that rock bottom?). Turns out it is indeed Shitbreak, but I feel only shame where I thought I would feel vindication.