HALP ME, EDWURD. DARE SOMEFIN WRONGZ WIFF DA BEBBE. *lip bite*
The full trailer for Snorkels the Vampire Fetus, aka The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part One is scheduled to hit tomorrow afternoon, and since this is a franchise that inspires people to make felt fetuses and ice-cold dildos, of course the trailer has its own trailer. I'll be honest, given that the story is about how Edward smashes the marital bed with his 100-years-of-pent-up-abstinence-vampire thrusting, and impregnates Bella with a telepathic fetus with the brain of an adult who severs her spine (presumably with HIS pre-natal thrusting), and who the ethnic-temptation wolf then falls in love with (as ethnic types are wont to do with sparkling white babies), I'm fairly moist with anticipation myself.
After the jump, I've got your trailer trailer, along with a very scientific, analytic analysis and breakdown of relevant issues.
NOT OWERR BEBBE! I WONT LAT HEEM HURRT YOU, BALLA!
DA BEBBE IS TO STRONG FER YEW, BALLA! I KNOW BECUZ I IZ DOCTOR. I WEARZ DA COLLARZ.
I HALP YEW, BALLA! I STUDEEZ DA BABBY WIZ COMPUTERZ!
DON'T LOOK AT MY BALLY! IT HOLDZ DA BEBBE AND IZ SCARRED.
I HALP YOU, BALLA! I SUMMONZ DA WOLFF.
RUN, BALLA! WOLFF SMAL DA BEBBE!
HARF HARF HARF, PUT DA FETUS IN MAH BALLY, HARF HARF!
Oh man. This looks good.
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I can’t wait for my wife to go and see this so I can masturbate in the living room without fear of being caught.
I can’t wait for my kids to go and see this so I can go get some smarter kids.
Does that fetus make my belly look big? Try the Wire Hanger diet! Works in minutes. Just insert (you obviously already know how to do that), swirl, and vacuum!
It’s just three steps to a shapelier you!
I can’t wait to go and see this with licsGrat’s wife and noMo’s kids. It’ll be like having a real family. :´)
Don’t end up another teen vamp pregnancy, kids. Be smart and take precautions: Get a priest to pull his dick out of the altar boy for a moment and bless your lube before going to town.
My telepathic fetus needs to stop ordering more pitchers of margaritas!
*yells at fetus
I CAN’T MAKE A BROTHER FOR YOU YET YA DING DONG!
< Is in actuality. fetus free!
*Kegstand, spin, falls down stairs w/o consequence.
My telepathic Cletus keeps asking me about our indoor poop hole.
Wow, fat chicks in yoga pants on the screen AND in the audience, this movie totally mirrors real life.
Just when I think I couldn’t be more confused by Mormonism, this happens.
You win this round, Stephanie Whatshername.
” . . . the story is about how Edward smashes the marital bed with his 100-years-of-pent-up-abstinence-vampire thrusting . . . ”
This is why missionary is by far the safest. If she had been on top he would have blown her right through the roof.
I thought “Ethnic Temptation Wolf” was when you jizz on a girl’s face, throw your freshly-shaved pubes on her, and then force her to clean your house for below minimum wage.
I like how every dullard sounds like Ben Rothlisburger
If baktag Bella had half a brain in her damn head, she would just keep eating roasted garlic until the little fucker came out like a Juggalo baby!
Holy shit, if they let Vince subtitle this whole movie, I would pay $20 to watch it.
Boy oh boy, I would be super pissed if the first time I had sex (with a 100yr old vampire) I got knocked up.
It’s Bella’s own fault for inviting him to come inside.
Edward was hoping for a miscarriage, but in his defense he was way hungry.
Vampires are repelled by crossed legs.
@chel–I was excited for a second when I thought you were doing kegelstands.
The afterbirth doesn’t quite have an adult brain but it still finds the Twilight books trite and vapid.
cool stuff! really like this site. readers interested in finding out more about the secret world of phone sex operators are also welcome here.
That’s the greatest in-house bot ever.
It’s every girl’s responsibility to do Kegel Stands! How else am I supposed to hold a purse!
Bella: Edward, I have some bad news… I missed my period.
Edward: oh my god. me too.
Bella: well look, there’s got to be something we can do, smartass.
Edward: ok, ok, don’t get your panties in a wrinkle. I know just the thing
*Edward gets up and starts looking through the bathroom cabinets.
Edward: How would you feel about a garlic douche?
Bella: What, you just happen to have one handy? He-whore.
Edward: Shit, I actually don’t. Want to march that vag of yours into the kitchen? I’ll have to cook one up. While we’re in there you can make me a sandwich.
Bella: What am I, your slave? I’ll douche, you make your own sandwich.
Edward: Oh come off it, you make me save your ass repeatedly, and you’re obsessed with these! *points to abs*
now you’re getting all feminist on me?
Bella: Oh Eddie, you’re Abs-olutely right.
Edward: that’s my girl. Oh by the way, someday I’ll get tired of you and you’ll probably die with a stake through the heart, literally. Surprised?
Bella: Oh Eddie, if I woke up tomorrow with my head sewn to the carpet, I wouldn’t be more surprised than I am now.
*wakes up in race car bed screaming, strangely though with wood. scribbles down quickly on back of “people to kill” list on nightstand. writes teen horror romance dramedy novel next day. profits.*
If Hollywood has taught us anything, it’s that if you don’t touch your belly constantly, there’s not really a baby in there.