FRIEND SQUAD ASSEMBLE!

Ryan Gosling, that sweet, puppy-loving drink of lemon meringue from the land of maple syrup, famously broke up a street fight in progress back in June (though news of the event didn’t break until a few weeks ago). What had happened was, gentlemen had a disagreement over a painting, which was about to devolve into a donnybrook, when out of nowhere, Baby Goose showed up and gave the aggressor half a hug. That’s when the sky opened up and it rained waffle cones, and everyone shared a milk shake with a hundred straws while the Beach Boys played a live concert and a yellow lab with a red bandanna around his neck ran around licking everyone’s faces. Some say the giggling could be heard from space.

Baby Goose has finally broken his legendary silence about the event in an interview with MTV (video below), and this is what he had to say:

“I’m embarrassed. I think that guy really was stealing that other guy’s painting, so I shoulda just kept my nose out of it. It was sad, because it turns out that… I said to the guy, “Why you doing this?” And he said, “Because he’s stealing my painting.” and I said, “Well how do you know?” and he said, “Because he comes here every day and looks at my paintings.”

Which means the guy was a fan. And he wanted the painting so bad he had to steal it because he couldn’t afford it. So he finally steals the painting and then he’s getting his ass kicked by his hero. And then the guy from The Notebook shows up and makes it weirder. And it just… the whole thing, nobody wins. Nobody won.

And uh, you know what, I had just come from the gymnasium, and I was all… stretched out, and feeling… feeling warmed up. So, I’m embarrassed.”

Oh, Baby Goose, I think I speak for all of Huggalo Nation when I say that there’s no need for you to feel embarrassed. Seeing the good in people is just part of the Baby Goose Philosophy. Its central tenet, in fact. “Here, girl, I wrote you a song about it on the ukulele. You can sing along — it’s to the tune of ‘Baby Beluga.’”