This Week: The Rum Diary, Steven Spielberg's War Horse, Adam Sandler in drag, and more.
(click to enlarge)
The newest Rum Diary poster looks a liiiittle closer to the tone of the book, but it still seems... I don't know... cutesy ("he's only wearing one sock, lol!"). But I don't know what I expected. At some point, we've all got to face that they're not going to put a girl getting gang raped on the poster. Also, I realize this wouldn't be accurate to the source material, but it'd be awesome if Johnny Depp was wearing that big lizard tail from Fear and Loathing. And if anyone knows where I can get one of those, please, inquire within. I don't have money, but I'm willing to barter. (*bats eyes, tries to do sexy dance, trips over cat*)
STEVEN SPIELBERG'S WAR HORSE! This could be the Dolphin Tale of horse war movies! TELL ME ABOUT THE FOG OF WAR, YOU GALLANT BEAST! "NEEEIIIGH, young men die, NEEEEIIIGH! YUM, OATS!"
In related news, in Real Steel, Hugh Jackman is clearly the Marine Biologist Harry Connick Jr. of robot boxing instructors. I look forward to examining all future films through the lens of Dolphin Tale.
Somewhere in Hollywood, there's an agent or a producer telling a young actor why he won't get representation, or a screenwriter that her script isn't good enough, while this poster adorns the wall.
[via WAMG]
I could probably finish two or three more posts a day if I stopped making stupid Photoshops, but I just can't help myself.
Time out, John Cena AND Ethan Embry? Does this mean I have to pay double admission? Because I totally would. Let's face it, that's still a deal.
THIS! IS! LONDON! (*kicks crumpet into tea*)
At first I assumed this was just another parody poster for The Muppets, but no, it's actually a real documentary about the puppeteer behind Elmo, Kevin Clash. That guy must get a TON of p*ssy.
And here we have the Spanish poster for Jack and Jill, or as it's known in Latin America, "Yack y Yill." Uhhh... did they just find a random Mexican dude and stick him in the poster? Because I'm pretty sure he wasn't in any of the trailers for a single second. You know who was though? Al Pacino. Yeah. Let that roll around in your noodle for a while.
Everything I've seen from this movie so far has been boneheaded and kind of lame. Not in an evil, Jerry Bruckheimer kind of way, just in an ugh-I-wish-this-wasn't-so-lame kind of way.
Hey look, it's the French-Canadian Keanu Reeves.
"Whoa."
If you thought the last Human Centipede had people eating each other's sh*t, wait till you see the new one. Soooo many more people eating each other's sh*t, bro. Seriously, this is going to blow your minds.
"See here, baby, the key to acting alongside Terrence Howard is to first realize that the very concept of "Terrence and Jennifer" is a trundleboat to irrelevancivity, ya dig? The idea of you, me, this tree as separate entity is a sad gumbo spoon on a pewter plate of misperception. See, we all of us connected -- you, me, this tree, gumbo, goose feathers, a rock, eskimos, grandma's cornbread, sadness, the Eiffel Tower, a pony, wagon trains, the ocean, Puerto Ricans, and country gravy, can ya dig it? You and me is one, and this movie will be like a beautiful go-kart filled with xylophones, man, like two ants playin' stickball in a soda stream. Life is like a merry-go-round, man, you can keep goin' round and round, but I prefer to pet the horses. " (*plays bongos, exits through beaded curtain*)
January Jones brought her usual facial expression. Anything else costs extra. Also, why doesn't Nic Cage's forehead have a beam coming off it like that police helicopter? Seems like it'd be accurate.
At first I was like, wait, who's in this? Jesse James? Like, the guy who effs nazis, Jesse James? But then I looked it up and it was a different Jesse James. You'd think you'd want to throw a middle initial or something in there at this point, wouldn't you?
Oh, Emily Watson, my sad, British ostrich. When I think Emily Watson, I don't think oranges and sunshine. More like fog, and plum pudding and antique spectacles.
[posters via IMPA]
![[avatar]](http://p.uproxxcdn.com/photo/257/thumb)
![[image]](http://cdn.fd.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2013/04/only-god-forgives-poster-150x150.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.fd.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2013/04/star-trek-into-darkness-alice-eve-chris-pine-150x150.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.fd.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2013/05/this-week-in-posters-the-rock-is-jacked-in-pain-and-gain-150x150.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.fd.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2013/05/grown-ups-2-has-a-trailer-now-should-be-called-groan-ups-150x150.jpg)
HOLY SHIT! I was just thinking to myself, “Self, whatever happened Ethan Embry? Last I heard he was begging for change at the Arby’s drive-thru.”
Tested by Friendship. Separated by Battle. Bound by War. Body by Jake. Brut by Faberge.
Last chance. Long odds. The Reunion poster’s sub-header seems almost prophetic when you see the cast.
Vince the random mexican guy is Eugenio Derbez he’s a very popular comedian here in Mexico and South America, so Yack y Yill is going to be huge here.
“You and me is one, and this movie will be like a beautiful go-kart filled with xylophones, man, like two ants playin’ stickball in a soda stream.”
I was thinking pee stream instead of soda, and of course he’s not wearing pants, but otherwise this is pretty much what I expect a pep talk from Terrence Howard would be like.
Is this Hank Williams movie gonna make dip shit girls pretend to like him, like that Joaquin Phoenix movie did to Johnny Cash? If so, (cleaning thick-rimmed glasses on tshirt)I was listening to old people music before it was cool.
Last time I went to the movies the person next to me leaned over and asked “Is this fucking real?” during the Jack and Jill trailer.
i have to type with my left hand because i separated my shoulder at a hank williams show on sunday. hank williams 3, but still. it was incredible.
Schwarenegger calls his baby mama the Iron Lady.
Jay Baruchel, please put your tongue back in your mouth. Nobody wants to see that.
I only count forty-one people in that so-called human centipede, which means only eighty-two legs. You’d think a guy named Tom Six would be able to count a little better. Nine more people or GTFO, you hack!
I’ve said it until the day I die: Amy Smart will do anything for money.
I’ll say it*
Sorry y’all.
The Mighty Feklahr doesn’t remember an “Oranges and Sunshine” comic book?
ROFLKOTAL! Get it? It has Hugo Weaving in it!
I’m pretty sure Stringer Bell is behind the operation of Elmo…and Orlando’s strip club.
@Devo
Take every opportunity to see Hank3 for the rest of your life.
Is Guy Pearce storing grapes in his face?
looks like kevin spacey is cutting to the front of the line. sylar is taking it the hardest while mrs kutcher takes it in the butt.
You’re thinking of Samantha Morton. Emily Watson is definitely oranges and sunshine. Or is that Emily Mortimer? Never mind.
I saw Goon at TIFF. Thought it was really good, actually. Except for Jay Baruchel – he was fucking annoying.
Nic Cage just waiting for J-Jones mood to change and pleasure her man right.
Uh-oh, Winnie! Looks like someone has his hand stuck in the honey pot!
Be First.
Be Smarter.
Or Cheat.
MarGyllenhaal
Wait, isn’t that Jack and Jill thing one of the fake movies from Funny People?
Shouldn’t the French Canadian Keanu say “Le Whoa” ?