I figure as long as we’re already talking about happy things, like the Gordon Ramsay porn dwarf getting eaten by badgers, I might as well bring you a Joe Son update. The five-foot-four, 230-pound Random Task actor and old-school UFC crotch punching bag was originally arrested back in 2008 when a DNA sample he was forced to give after pleading guilty to felony vandalism pinged him on a rape case from 1990. He was convicted of torture a little more than a week ago, and has since been sentenced to life in state prison. And now, it seems, the rape shoe is on the other dick foot. Ooh, maybe he and our boy Ed Shin can form a Korean prison gang together.
Here are the terrible details:
An actor was sentenced today to life in state prison with the possibility of parole for the 1990 Christmas Eve gang rape of a woman who was out walking her dog. Joseph Hyungmin Son, 40, was found guilty by a jury Aug. 25, 2011, of one felony count of torture. Son was charged Oct. 1, 2008, with numerous felony counts of sexual offenses, but the People determined that these charges could not be pursued at trial because the statute of limitations had run.
On Dec. 24, 1990, at about 12:30 a.m., Jane Doe was walking back to her apartment alone with her dog after going to look at Christmas lights with a relative and friend. As she was walking with her purse and her dog in hand, Son distracted Jane Doe by asking for directions and pretending he was lost. Son and Gaitan forcibly dragged Jane Doe to their car, threw her in the back, and drove away. Jane Doe’s purse was later retrieved at the scene, but her dog was never found.
While driving to Huntington Beach, Son and Gaitan told her they were driving to Compton, pistol whipped her, and threatened to kill her repeatedly. Son repeatedly raped, sodomized, and forced Jane Doe to orally copulate him in the back of the car. He also penetrated her vagina with a firearm. Gaitan raped Jane Doe and forced her to orally copulate him. Son threatened to kill the victim and counted the bullets in the gun out loud, as Jane Doe pleaded for her life.
Son and Gaitan finally allowed Jane Doe to leave, naked and with her pants tied around her eyes. Jane Doe went to a nearby home and the homeowners called the police. Jane Doe suffered great physical injuries as a result of the sexual assault.
At the sentencing today, the victim gave an impact statement to the court, “The post traumatic stress disorder is with me daily as I have triggers that set me off. I feel debilitating fear come over me and am convinced a hand is coming from behind again. My emotional scars are intense. My twenties were stripped from my life as I relearned how to walk, see, hear and cope with the outside world again. Joseph Son not only cost me my job at my salon but also my college savings… not to mention the impact it’s made on celebrating Christmas year after year. [OrangeCountyDa]
Great guy. Anyway, sorry for sucking the air out of the room like that, but in any case, it’s nice to see that the universe is finally treating Joe Son the way Keith Hackney did back at UFC 4. If only it could also stop the fourth Austin Powers movie from happening, we’d be all set.
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Gun rape? You’ll shoot your brown-eye out, kid.
Joseph Son not only cost me my job at my salon but also my college savings… not to mention the impact it’s made on celebrating Christmas year after year.
And that night, the chink’s wang grew three sizes.
He should have used a squid or an octopus, like every sensible Asian.
I’m trying to come up with a new joke for this story, but I think we’ve repeatedly raped, sodomized, and forced it to orally copulate us. #MLIGR
If it were a TV show, I’d watch “Shin and Son”
“The trick is, when they’re punching you in the dick, just imagine you’re in the Congo with gold coins, bro!”
Of course she suffers from PTSD. I bet she can’t have a gun put into her vagina without totally freaking out.
Rick Perry says that in Texas, forcible oral copulation plus gun rape is called a Colt .69.
Hey Chino, PTSD is a serious thing! My girlfriend’s house blew up after she took a shit, and she survived the blast by hiding in her fridge! She still gets really shaken up whenever she sees a toilet – and there is nothing funny about that!
She lost her job, her money, Christmas and her ability to enjoy gun love. So sad.
“He should have used a squid or an octopus, like every sensible Asian.”
I think that’s only the Japanese. Or maybe Red Wings fans? I always get those two confused.
I didn’t read a word of that. I just watched that gif of the nut-punch about twelve times.
Does gun rape end with skeet shooting?
“Don’t let Joe Son/go down on me”–nobody in prison
Seriously, life WITH the possibility of parole? “Hey, he hasn’t gun-violated a vagina the entire time he’s been here. Good behavior!”
If you pull the trigger on that gun, a little flag comes out that says FORCIBLE BANG!
Too bad he’s not quarterback of the Pittsburgh Steelers. The charges would never stick, unlike his evil rapist seed.
Hey, nice gun rack!
“going to look at Christmas lights”
If Jane Doe had been Jane Doebergowitz, she would have sort of literally dodged the bullet.
It’s stories like these that make me have second thoughts about my street vendor venture as The Crepe-ist. Fucking trauma victims ruin everything, amirite?
She’s very versatile. A munitions depot cum cum dumpster.
In his defense, Son didn’t make her listen to Grandma Got Run Over By a Reindeer. Because that would have been cruel.
@ceRi–at least he didn’t take an ammo dump on her.
I guess he forgot that before you put a gun in a vagina, you really should cock it.
At least he didn’t need to use a Magnum.
I been pistol-whipped and I been pussy-whipped, but never at the same time.
” .. . but her dog was never found.”
So they ate the dog but couldn’t be bothered to eat her? Foreplay is important, people.
“That’s not how you’re supposed to shoot your wad.”
I seen foreplay and I seen gunplay, but never at the same time.
Depending on her menstrual cycle, they may have turned that gun into a period piece.
She fought back, so it was really more of a pièce de résistance.
Ironically, the fortune cookie said she would meet a tall, dark stranger, but Son is only five-foot-four. Oh how they laughed!
Well it was a gang bang, so in a way was also a piece train.
And don’t try to tell me that Asian gun rape doesn’t come with a complimentary fortune cookie. A cookie with your nookie, anything else would just be poor form.
A gun rape train happens piece by piece.
Ok, so granted Son may have come over a little over-enthusiastic, but all he was really saying was, give his piece a chance.
Well of course they never found the dog. After a long night of gun rape you’re obviously going to get hungry.
Stop! Or my asian henchman will rape you with a gun!
And forever after, all she could dream of was a yellow Christmas.
The gun wasn’t the only thing shooting blanks that night.