NOOOOO, SOMEONE HELP THAT BABY! NOW THAT THE SCENT IS ON HIM HIS MOTHER WILL NEVER TAKE HIM BACK!

A new brief from The Tracking Report says that the producers of the Point Break remake have their eyes on two possible leads, one being Cam Gigandet. So far these reports are just based on preliminary discussions, and it’s too early to tell if anything will actually come of them. But, tentatively speaking, AAAAAAUUUUGGGGHHHHHHHH (*fires gun up in the air*) UUUUUUUUUGHHHHHHHHHH (*click, click, click*) ….UUGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH…. (*jumps out airplane with no parachute*)

Two new actors have had their names tentatively connected [Editor's Note: Connected by whom? It's hard to know what this even means.] to the much talked about POINT BREAK (REMAKE). Cam Gigandet, a young thesp on the rise, was last seen in “Priest”, “Burlesque”, and “Easy A” after his breakout role in “Twilight”. Daniel Henney is the other rumored contender, last seen in the comic book explosion celebration “X-Men Origins: Wolverine”. “Point Break” is a remake of the classic action thriller of the same title, originally starring Patrick Swayze as the leader of a group of surfing bank robbers and Keanu Reeves as the undercover FBI agent tasked with bringing him down.

Well that’s certainly an interesting decision. The original starred Keanu Reeves, who maybe wasn’t the greatest actor in the world (I! WALK! AWAY!), but was certainly easy on the eyes — smooth and inoffensive like the Polynesian breeze after which he was named. In considering Cam Gigandet, the producers seem to be taking the opposite approach, where they cast a drooling, goblin-faced shaved hyena whose revolting attempts to imitate human speech and behavior invoke Gollum-like terror and nausea in all but the hardiest viewer. It must be some kind of Human Centipede thing.  Last time I accidentally watched a Cam Gigandet trailer, I threw my laptop out a plate glass window and a Dominican lady walked through the coffee shop muttering prayers and sprinkling everyone with holy water. I’m not even religious, but you can never be too careful. There are no atheists in a Cam Gigandet movie screening, I always say.