I realize many film blog-readers such as yourself probably don’t follow sweaty man-hugging as closely as I do, such that when I posted this picture of Steven Seagal at the weigh-ins for UFC 129 a few months back, many people thought it was Photoshopped. It was not. Trust me, thanks to teaching Anderson Silva a few (illegal) eye gouges and neck strikes, and eventually getting thanked in Lyoto Machida’s post-fight speech, Steven Seagal considers himself a UFC trainer, perhaps as fervently as he considers himself an honorary Russian or a blues musician. Seagal has been close to the Silva, Machida, and the Nogueira brothers’ Black House camp for some time now. None of them were fighting at UFC 135 on Saturday, but Seagal showed up anyway. He tried to talk to light heavyweight champ Jon Jones before the fight, but Jones declined out of respect to his trainers, Jones says. Luckily, Seagal was still on hand for a post-fight interview with Ariel Helwani (who tweeted that Seagal dictated the specific angle he be shot from), and it is a masterpiece of Steven Seagalyness.
Click to the 35-second mark to see one of my all-time favorite Seagal interview moments.
HELWANI: Was that how you expected the main even to go, Jon Jones submitting Rampage?
SEAGAL: (without a moment’s hesitation) Oh yeah. (scoffing) Definitely.
HELWANI: Really, why so?
SEAGAL: (flabbergasted that he could even be asked such a question) Uh, because I think I have a pretty good eye.
My God. Just look at his face as he answers that question. Have you ever seen such confidence?
Not only is he convinced that he predicted the winner and the method of the fight, and not because of luck or a gut feeling, he KNOWS beyond the shadow of a doubt that his psychic martial arts powers make him an INFALLIBLE PROGNOSTICATOR. To the point that he is legitimately surprised that a person might have to ask how he could know such a thing. He scoffs sadly at Ariel Helwani as if to say, “Are my psychic abilities not obvious to all? Clearly I must be talking to a child.”
You know, we have a lot of fun with Steven Seagal. His unique physiological reactions, his inability to keep track of space and time, his ornate saddles, his sleeveless kimonos and songs about poonani. I could go on. For pages. But in all honesty, confidence this unshakeable is almost a superpower.
[via AOL]


He’s never been wrong about Wile E. Coyote and the Roadrunner, either!
Also, party-foul for not referring to him as “Machida-kun”!
“I think we’re done here. Now if you don’t mind, I have to go reshoot some scenes for this project I’m working on, Und-Wait, what year is this?”
As crazy and arrogant as Seagal sounds, I agree with him on a few things. Jon Jones could have performed better. His best performance was against Shogun. Also, the card sucked outside of the main event.
Rampage did have great head movement, I would have liked to see him throw kicks and stick to his game plan.
With the exception of Jones, pretty much nobody I wanted to win actually won. That said, it was still a decent PPV. I really don’t want to see Matt Hughes get beat up anymore, same way I don’t want to see Liddel get lit up.
If the show wasn’t that good to you, there’s always next weekend and the weekend after, both of which have events.
He tried to talk to light heavyweight champ Jon Jones before the fight, but Jones declined out of respect to his trainers, Jones says.
Well, that and he didn’t like that Seagal kept referring to him as a “kun”.
I didn’t watch the PPV, just the free undercard fights on Spike, and even the lure of Nick Ring’s knee ligamenths couldn’t save it from being boring as hell.
“Your FACE is transgressive and ironic!” -Steven Seagal
You overshot, Steven. That hasn’t happened yet.
Big deal, I predicted that AOL was going to shit when they were sending everyone cds for no reason. Now look at them.
Machida Coon used to be able to keep track of space and time (pretty well).
I am convinced Seagal is in on the joke and this is a massive troll-job.
Jones is a grad from the rival high school where I live so he’s been put on the same pillar as Helen Keller and Anne Frank. But Segal’s still fun to make jokes about and still allowed as far as I know…. I got nothin.
His ability to prognosticate fights telepathically from the future is only surpassed by his unique ability to tell which females are ready for his unique physical reaction by what he refers to as poonani pungency.
Seagal read this post and immediately said, “Oh yeah. Definitely.” Then he took his glasses off. HE’S JAMES FRANCO.
Seagal’s confidence comes from him viewing the world with piss colored glasses.
Steven Seagal invented the pot-bellied stove.
Best part is at the 2:35 mark you see the police escort a guy out in cuffs.
OMG! You guys are all so transgressive and ironic.