After the jump, you can watch the new trailer for New Year’s Eve, a sh*tty collection of half-assed clichés full of pretty people and happy music because Hollywood thinks you’re stupid. But first, it’s a trailer for another Katherine Heigl movie, One for the Money (Hollywood’s Assumption: AMERICA LOVES KATHERINE HEIGL).

It’s based on the first of Janet Evanovich’s Stephanie Plum novels of the same name, and comes from director Julie Anne Robinson, who previously directed Miley Cyrus in that Nick Sparks movie where she saves a nest of sea turtle eggs from a raccoon and finds love when a stranger spills her milkshake during a game of beach volleyball. Whoa, what happened? I think I blacked out for a while. Anyway, I read a Janet Evanovich book once. All I can remember is that Stephanie Plum had a fat, sassy black assistant who was always smuggling bacon and ham in her purse because she was on the Atkin’s Diet. I’m guessing that would be Sherri Shepherd in this. Aw, she’s like a female Anthony Anderson — she’s even got the alliterative name! Fat, sassy, and black is one HILARIOUS way to go through life! And she’s never thought about whether the world is flat, which kind of makes her One for the Money’s Target audience.

And here’s New Year’s Eve, with all the soulless vacuousness of Valentine’s Day, now with Josh Duhamel! (SHOULDA CALLED IT SUMMER’S EVE, AM I RIGHT? *whackety shmackety*). Yep, it’s basically porn for awful boring yuppie women. But wait, where’s the precocious child? That’s the cum shot in awful boring yuppie woman porn. It’s how you know the pandering is real.

Oh look, the girl from Little Miss Sunshine is flashing her tits for money now. I’d been looking forward to this day.