A while back, I brought you the news that gay prostitute observer and dicknose enthusiast James Franco was looking to direct an adaptation of Cormac McCarthy’s Blood Meridian, in between curating invisible art museums and working towards his Masters of Belles Letres in 16th century French pastry from the Sorbonne (probably). Professor Dicknose recently attended the Toronto Film Festival, where he was asked about Blood Meridian. He revealed that Scott Rudin was on to produce, and that they’d shot 20 minutes of test footage with Scott Glenn and Luke Perry (of course), but the project was “on hold” for “various reasons.” Then he added, “but we are going to make a movie based on [Cormac McCarthy]‘s third novel, Child of God.”
What’s that about, you ask? Why, it’s a book about a man falsely accused of rape who moves to a cave and dabbles in necrophilia, of course. “James Franco Dicknoses Necrophilia.” Book it.
“Scuttling down the mountain with the thing on his back he looked like a man beset by some ghast succubus, the dead girl riding him with legs bowed akimbo like a monstrous frog.”
Child of God must be the most sympathetic portrayal of necrophilia in all of literature. The hero, Lester Ballard, is expelled from his human family and ends up living in underground caves, which he peoples with his trophies: giant stuffed animals won in carnival shooting galleries and the decomposing corpses of his victims. Cormac McCarthy’s much-admired prose is suspenseful, rich with detail, and yet restrained, even delicate, in its images of Lester’s activities.
“You could say that he’s sustained by his fellow men, like you…. A race that gives suck to the maimed and the crazed, that wants their wrong blood in its history and will have it.” [Amazon]
“Gives suck to the maimed,” you say? Why, that describes all my favorite porn. Anyway, I hope it still stars Luke Perry. “James Franco Dicknoses Necrophilia with Luke Perry: A Choreopoem,” they could call it.
[story via Empire, pic via WooMagazine courtesy of Buzzfeed]
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some ghast succubus, the dead girl riding him with legs bowed akimbo like a monstrous frog
Lindsay Lohan’s waiting by the phone, Franco.
I hope Luke Perry was the Judge – only Perry can give him the gravitas that the avatar of evil in men deserves.
So he’s falsely accused of rape, but he kills people and bangs the corpses? Huh.
I bet she gives great BRAAAINS.
Don’t you see, Patty? It’s like the Rape Chicken and the Necrophilia Egg, a story as old as time.
I think the moral of the story is, “If rape accusations are inevitable, might as well bang some 11 yr olds.”
The money shot will be a tribute to I Spit on Your Grave.
Let the record reflect that McCarthy’s “The Road” suuuucked. It contains the word “Christendom.”
Stinky Peelanski?
I’ll watch this movie if one his victims is a dwarf porn star half eaten by badgers
A race that gives suck to the maimed and the crazed
So this cave-dwelling corpse-diddler is a NASCAR fan?
One does not DABBLE in necrophilia, One dribbles into it.
I hope Trent Reznor de-composes the score.
A race that gives suck to the maimed and the crazed, that wants their wrong blood in its history and will have it.
Who let Armond White in? Unless the protagonist is f*cking Eddie Murphy’s fat-suited corpse, I doubt he’s gonna like it.
Who am I kidding? That would have me there opening night.
I guess I’m being too hard on the guy. The only other thing he’s got to stick his penis in is stuffed animals, and nobody likes a furry.
@tyBo–haha hard on the guy.
His idea of oral is a eulogy.
Vince’s love for Armond White must be the most sympathetic portrayal of negrophilia in all of literature.
/on a scale of 1 to racist, I’m Northern Virginia.
His favorite book? The Lovely Boners.
He’ll bang anything that’s breathing. Or that’s not breathing.
Opossums scare the shit out of him!
His expertise is in creamation.
This fellow knows his skeetlunking.
He laid her to rest.
His ventriloquist act is SUPER legit.
This is how far you have to go to weird out a carnie.
Of course the only way to make this movie believable for modern day viewers is to set it in Florida
Great. So after harrowing books about post apocalyptic cannibals, murderous psychopaths with pneumatic bolt pistols, and violent Indian scalpers, I can curl up with with a beautifully written book about a necrophile. Why does McCarthy always hate-fuck his readers?
In fact, subterranean corpse f*cking is exactly how Jeff Dunham honed his craft.
I just want to say something to all the young filmdrunkards that may be reading. This post and comments are making light of necrophilia. I don’t want you to get the wrong idea. The road to necrophilia is always a dead end.
Seriously, f*ck Jeff Dunham.
Child of God must be the most sympathetic portrayal of necrophilia in all of literature
Pssssht… somebody’s not up on their Barbara Gowdy. See Molly Parker in Kissed.
I heard they signed Amy Winehouse to play one of his victims.
I’m reminded of that old Gilbert Gottfried joke (and he probably stole it from somebody else):
A man goes to a whorehouse but only has $2. So he gets there and they say, “For $2, we got a dead hooker upstairs.” So the man is pretty desperate and he thinks why not? So he goes upstairs and comes back down in about 30 minutes. The madame asks him, “How was it?” The man goes, “It was great!! The only problem was, her nose kept running.”
“Oh. She’s probably full.”