Dolphin Tale, the heartwarming true story of how Morgan Freeman built a robotic tail for an injured dolphin discovered by Marine Biologist Harry Connick Jr., and in the process inspired injured veterans, taught a young boy the power of love, and showed an estranged father that you’re never too old for redemption, opens this weekend. And I’m sure it’s no coincidence that Universal chose this week to release their trailer for Big Miracle, which used to be called Everybody Loves Whales, but now makes a fine addition to the describe-your-penis-with-a-movie-title canon.

Point being, it’s a pretty pathetic move, trying to steal Dolphin Tale‘s marine mammal thunder like that. Drew Barrymore and John Krasinski rescue trapped whales in Alaska? Really, guys? That‘s your story? Oh, please. I’ve watched Drew Barrymore. I’ve seen movies with Drew Barrymore. Drew Barrymore is no Morgan Freeman. And it would be insulting to even compare an accomplished jazz pianist like Harry Connick Jr. to a two-bit smirk peddler like John Krasinski. Oh, look at you, Captain Clever. You’re just so pleased with yourself, aren’t you. Yeah, you’re a real Wry-an Reynolds. Take your dumb whales and go home, this is dolphin country.

[Apple via RopeofSilicon]