Steven Soderbergh’s Contagion led all others at the box office over the weekend, knocking off The Help for the first time in three weeks, proving that the only thing America loves more than a hot white chick curing racism (THAT MAID’S CHANGIN’ YER LAAHFE) is watching Gwyneth Paltrow succumb to a mysterious disease (check out the new goop.com newsletter for the latest in designer rubber gloves and shabby chic sneeze guards).

Meanwhile, proving that no one listens to Peter Dante, no one went to see Bucky Larson: Born to Be a Star, despite all his advice to the contrary. The Happy Madison product opened all the way down at number fifteen, with  $1.45 million. That was less than half of Happy Madison’s previous lows, Strange Wilderness and Grandma’s Boy (the latter of which was actually pretty decent, strangely). But it wasn’t ALL bad news, as Bucky Larson is currently tracking 0% on rottentomatoes.

FUN FACT: The average showing of Bucky Larson had slightly more than eight people. You could get more people to a fake funeral.

It’s a shame, because I always thought Nick Swardson was the funniest one in that crew. But also not a shame, because Bucky Larson looked like a Mexican sitcom (and not in a good way, where all of the women have preposterously ample cleavage). If Jack and Jill does this poorly when it opens in November, maybe Sandler can finally stop with this lowest common denominator experiment and get back to making comedy. I know, I know, I’m totally that YOU’VE CHANGED, BRO guy. But even conceding that I was thirteen at the time, I refuse to believe that “The Buffoon Meets the Dean of Admissions” wasn’t a watershed moment in comedy. “I LOOKED AT MY ASSH*LE IN THE MIRROR TODAY,” is my generation’s “Who’s On First.” I remember where I was the first time I heard “MY NEIGHBOR’S DOG HAS A FOUR-INCH CLIT” like it was the goddamned Kennedy assassination.

(full top 10 after the jump)

This Wk Last WkTitleDist.Weekend Gross Cumulative
Gross		Week# of
Theaters
1-ContagionWarner Bros. Pictures$23,135,000$23,135,00013222
21The HelpDreamWorks Studios$8,691,000$137,093,00052935
3-WarriorLionsgate$5,607,000$5,607,00011869
42The DebtFocus Features$4,904,650$21,992,60721876
56ColombianaSony Pictures Releasing$4,000,000$29,779,00032354
65Rise of the Planet of the Apes20th Century Fox Distribution$3,875,000$167,835,83162887
74Shark Night 3DRelativity Media$3,533,000$14,797,17922848
83Apollo 18The Weinstein Company$2,913,000$15,001,00023330
97Our Idiot BrotherThe Weinstein Company$2,761,000$21,420,00032396
109Spy Kids: All the Time in the WorldThe Weinstein Company$2,506,000$34,227,00042544
118Don’t Be Afraid of the DarkFilmDistrict$2,260,768$21,094,52632251
1211Crazy, Stupid, Love.Warner Bros. Pictures Distribution$2,180,000$78,429,00071310
13-Laugh at My PainN/A$2,000,000$2,000,000199
1410The SmurfsSony Pictures Releasing$1,850,000$136,059,00071977
15-Bucky Larson: Born to Be a StarSony Pictures Releasing$1,450,000$1,450,00011500

[via Yahoo]

Additional Notes:

Creature was one for the record books. At 1,507 single-screen locations, the horror movie scared up an estimated $331,000, which was the fifth lowest-grossing opening on record for a nationwide release and the second-worst in terms of per-location average. To put it another way, it was the worst ever for a movie playing at 1,500 locations or more. Its per-showing attendance was less than six people. [BoxOfficeMojo]

I don’t know whether to be happy or sad about that, because I have no idea what that is. Though it does apparently star “Serinda Swan,” who sounds like a Twilight character who got written out of the series on account of being too ethnic.