Will Smith and his obnoxiously over-accessorized family have been turning their nauseating, Christmas newsletter anecdotes into nauseating puff pieces for years now, helping make Smith one of the most sought-after (and barfed after) movie stars in the country. So it really would’ve been shocking to hear that they’d broken up like inTouch reported this morning. Or at least, bad for business. But fear not, they’re still together. Hooray, I only hope they turn this into a revenue stream somehow!
In a joint statement from Will and Jada, they tell Entertainment Tonight, “Although we are reluctant to respond to these types of press reports, the rumors circulating about our relationship are completely false. We are still together, and our marriage is intact.”
A sentiment their son Jaden shares, as he Tweeted, “#ItsAllLies.” [ET]
Great! I hope this means all future movie remakes starring his dumb wiener kids are still on! Christ, can’t you people just buy horses and leave us alone like the other rich assh*les? The Smith family is like the family whose kids’ names all start with the same letter, meets the family with stick figure decals on the back of the mini-van, meets the family where the parents are a little too involved with the kids’ sports, meets the family with the humble-braggy holiday newsletter they send out every year. Only in their case, their stupid newsletter goes out to the WHOLE WORLD and the sports team the dad is too involved with is called “The Jadens” and his kid’s face is on everyone’s jersey, which is sponsored by Nike. God they suck.
[picture from ArchitecturalDigest via SmokingSection]
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If they did break up I was prepared to whip my hair back and forth at half-mast
So no Wicked Wisdom World Tour in 2012?
Do they know there’s a black guy creeping in on this photo? Who is that?
That’s exactly the kind of press release we get about a week before finding out the rumors were true.
I hope they stay together. If they break up, they’ll probably just console their sad kids with more vanity projects.
“Aw, don’t cry, honey! Daddy will buy you an original screenplay! And you can sing the theme song!”
I would totally know Jada biblically.
Best. Rant. Of. The. Day.
If they break up, they’ll probably just console their sad kids with more vanity projects.
(Alternate): If they don’t break up, they’ll probably just console their sad kids with more vanity projects.
Either way ttybo, Will Smiff WILL continue to abuse his children, and the world WILL continue to bear witness. And so he WILLs it. A “Triumph of the WILL”, if you WILL.
Will Smith – “Yeah, and this is our drawing room” *Punches interviewer in the face* “Welcome to the drawing room”.
Interviewer – “Mr Smith, how many times do I have to ask you to stop doing that?”
Will Smith – “Doing what? That’s how we always welcome people. You should see how Jada tells the kids dinner is ready.”
True Story: It’s in the prenup that the kids’ new names would be Ard, En and Ow.
Thank God! Now the Libyans can end that silly civil war.
You should see the bumper stickers on the back of Will’s car.
My son’s movie opened number one at the box office.
My daughter released a hit song.
My other son is a failure.
Will and Jada were able to reconcile their differences when it was revealed that Carlton Banks would not be relinquishing ownership of Will’s old “Chickionary”
Marry me. That rant was so glorious – i’d accept it as our vows
GAWH! Is there a black hole we can stuff this family in? And i don’t mean Jada’s mouth.