The folks over at Movies.com have compiled a list of this summer’s ten highest-grossing movies, and… guess which one’s at the top. Go ahead, guess. I’ll give you a hint, it’s a movie so nuanced and complex that I wrote it a three-word review.
1. Transformers: Dark of the Moon ($338.8 million) *** (Ranked 3rd Worldwide)
2. Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 2 (325.1 million) *** (Ranked 2nd Worldwide)
3. The Hangover Part II ($253 million)
4. Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides ($238.4 million) *** (Ranked 1st Worldwide)
5. Fast Five ($209.4 million)
6. Cars 2 ($182.4 million)
7. Thor ($180.6 million)
8. Bridesmaids ($165.5 million)
9. Kung Fu Panda 2 ($161.8 million)
10. X-Men: First Class ($144.7 million);
*Note: This list represents domestic totals only.
***Over $1 billion worldwide
You may notice that Fast Five came out in April, and Pirates and Hangover II in May, so I guess EQUINOXES MEAN NOTHING TO PEOPLE ANYMORE. To break it down even further, the list includes a third installment, an eighth installment, a second installment, a fourth installment, a fifth installment, another second installment, a comic book movie, a second installment, and a fourth installment/prequel/reboot, with Bridesmaids the only non-sequel, non-comic-book-movie of the bunch. Boy is that depressing. And yet X-Men, which is both, was by far the best movie of the bunch. Oh well. Also, Pirates is the number one movie internationally, because, as I’ve pointed out, foreigners love Johnny Depp.
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Pirates is the number one movie internationally, because, as I’ve pointed out, foreigners love Johnny Depp.
You obviously don’t understand European sensibilities.
Dear movie-ticket buying public:
This is why we can’t have nice things.
At least the world is becoming more infantile right along with us. There’s always that.
Fuck me, this list is depressing.
I wonder if Europeans love Johnny Depp because they have such a low opinion of us that he seems super cultured, artistic and highbrow by comparison.
I imagine a bunch of Frenchman sitting around smoking and wearing striped shirts and whatever else they do, going, “Qui, Johnny Depp, he eez one uf zee good ones.”
For some real suicide fuel, check out the all-time top ten list at boxofficemojo. The 3 top movies of this summer are on that list as well. Johnny Derp stars in 3 of the 10 highest grossing movies ever, a group that inexplicably includes Alice in Wonderland. I mean, it’s explicable, it just fucking blows.
Helena Bonham Carter is in 2 of 10, which I guess means she should get the Wonder Woman franchise.
@Patty–this is why we use a french word for the concept of “douche.”
Somewhere, in America, there’s a kid that’s gone to see Transformers 3 twice, and he/she will be President some day.
foreigners love Johnny Depp.
I’ve also heard they smell like figs and urine.
*cough*
So, uh … do you think they’ll have to call in the Bomb Squad to investigate 30 Minutes Or Less‘s opening weekend, or what?
*dons pipe-bomb-collar-of-shame, heads to corner*
This list makes me not give a fuck. I used to give a fuck, but just as with politics, none but the most banal, intellectually retarded, unimaginative and bereft of any substance save flash and glamour ideas and acts garner the lion’s share of the attention and money in such an insurmountable bulk that my diminutive protestations are but a single tear in the holocaust of the spirit. Thusly, I choose to just not give a fuck.
No as if that means I’ll not continue to make snarky misspelled comments including the words ‘cunt’ and ‘assjizzum.’ The world deserves some order.
Proof that world is populated by copraphiliacs.
That Pirates movie actually already came out? I had no idea.
Sorry baktags, The Mighty Feklahr just don’t give enough of a forshak to get all riled up about this list. Hell, He is in enough trouble* with the law to last a lifetime!
(*You give one little bitchy male prostitute a courtesy tap, next thing you know, BAM! Sued for whiplash injuries! Guy’cha!)
Get it? He paid Dale to suck His dick! AND IT WORKED! He can prove it in court.
I’m looking at this list and can’t see one that I wouldn’t want to get paid to watch.
You look at this domestic list and question foreigners tastes? I see.
/Depp joke
Also, Pirates is the number one movie internationally, because, as I’ve pointed out, foreigners love Johnny Depp.
Only because M. Night Shyamalan hasn’t released anything so far this year. He’s very constipated by now.
Fast Five is technically a prequel to sequel. Wrap your head around that.