
No, that’s not Photoshopped. My penchant for Seagal ‘shops notwithstanding, you can believe this is the real deal, because I hadn’t heard the name “Joe the Plumber” in so long that I’d forgotten he existed. Sadly, he’s still around, has a Facebook page, and posted this picture of himself with Steven Seagal, taken at an Arizona Republican fundraiser a few weeks ago. So, Steven Seagal is a Republican? I’d never heard anything about it before now, but knowing that he’s a Buddhist Irish Jew from Fullerton who considers himself Russian and wears sleeveless kimonos while playing blues music about loving poonani, I can believe anything. It’s quite possible they just saw him front-kick a few Mexicans in his movies and figured he was good peeps.
In other Seagal Watch news, there’s a new fat Lawman in town, and his name is Butterbean. Despite weighing 416 pounds, ‘Bean still managed to climb atop Seagal’s shoulders to promote his new show at the television critics awards. Luckily, Seagal’s back is very strong from his training with Shaolin monks in the 5th and/or 27th centuries (get it? because Steven Seagal doesn’t keep track of space or time too well? Jesus, these Seagal posts need annotations).
The fighter, whose uniform has “Deputy Butterbean” stitched into it as the camera follows him on the job, wants viewers to realize that he’s not a flash in the pan law reality star like other celebrities, like Seagal’s Lawman and Erik Estrada’s Armed & Famous, who have joined law enforcement ranks for the camera.
“I was deputized before the show even happened,” Esch said Friday during the series’ stop at the Television Critics’ Association summer press tour in Beverly Hills.
Deputy Adam Hadder, his partner on the Sheriff’s Narcotics Unit in Jasper, notes that Butterbean is not a flash in the pan and that his hometown celebrity status helps a lot.
“It draws attention to our department,” Hadder noted, adding that it helps in fighting the town’s drug problem. “I don’t think people took the Seagal show serious because he didn’t live there.”
“It’s not all about arresting people and throwing them in jail,” Esch noted. “It’s about trying to make a difference where we live.” [THR]
Yeah, yeah, it’s different because you’re a real cop. You’re all real cops, we get it. By the way, have you seen most local cops? It’s not as as impressive as you think it is. Kind of like me telling girls I’m a blogger at parties. Call me when you bring a tank to break up a cockfight.



I’d like to see a bloat-off between Seagal, Gerard Depardieu and Val Kilmer. Then afterwards they can have a jam session.
Seagal is really starting to enter that stage in a man’s life when he looks like a lesbian.
Chasity Bono can come to the bloat-off as well.
NOTE TO SELF: Move narcotics operations to Jasper, Alabama
Andy Dick’s show where he moonlighted as a colonic specialist really shit the bed.
It’s a special technique I invented, and I’ve only taught it to Butterbean-kun. Since our training regimen is steeped in bacon tasting, we call it: The Piggyback
Maybe if they all combine forces, the can finally find Richie, and figure out why he did Bobby Lupo.
I’m not sure which one I should feel less threatened by.
Christ Stevey, you go to a Republican convention dressed like that? How many times do you think heards 60 year-olds yelling “SAPPERS IN THE WIRE! SAPPERS IN THE WIRE!!!”
“Heards” of course means “he heard”.
A pretend plumber and a pretend cop, together at last.
Seagal needs a plumber on hand at all times – “Fire Down Below” isn’t just his most critically acclaimed movie – it also describes his explosive diarrhea.