This won’t be the first time I’ve offered to fight anyone who’s mean to Rebecca Black, but in case anyone asks, THE OFFER STILL STANDS! Kii-yigh! (*karate kicks air, cats flee in terror, hits self in nuts with nunchuks*) But in all seriousness, she seemed really nice when she was on Leno, she said she was donating most of the proceeds from her video to tsunami victims, and how much can you really hate a girl for a song she didn’t write which isn’t half as annoying as your average Maroon 5 song anyway? Unfortunately Rebecca Black is learning an important lesson the hard way: 13-year-olds are huge dicks. She’s apparently gotten bullied so much that her mom pulled her out of school. …Oh God, please let that be the reason her mom pulled her out of school…

Their taunting has finally resulted in Black being pulled from school.
Black’s mother has decided to home school the 14-year-old from now on, a new decision which also allows more time to focus on her daughter’s career [aw, crap. -Ed]. But the teen seems zen about her alarming circumstances. The online anti-Rebecca comments became so violent at one point the FBI became involved when Black started receiving death threats. But now that the bullying has branched off the internet and into her real life, Black has been forced to act.

How would you like to be the FBI agent working that case? “So, what are you working on?” “Counter-terrorism, mostly. Espionage, that kind of stuff. How about you?” “…Uh, I scour YouTube comments for death threats against Rebecca Black.”

In an interview with ABC, Black opens up about the real-life, non-Internet-based criticism she receives. “When I walk by, they’ll start singing ‘Friday’ in a really nasally voice,” she tells ABC. “Or, you know, they’ll be like, ‘Oh hey, Rebecca, guess what day it is?’”

Jesus, I hope the supposedly so-bad-she-had-to-quit-school bullying was worse than that, because that sounds pretty tame. I know someone whose name was “The Dog-Faced Gremlin” for like 10 years.

Now, she says, fans surround her wherever she goes, and she travels with her own entourage of a publicist, manager, stylist, and, yes, bodyguard. Not letting the spotlight dim on her just yet, her “My Moment” follow-up video has reached more than 22 million views in the past three weeks (YouTube even gave her a “Rebecca” account name). She recently performed “Friday” onstage at Katy Perry’s concert (and appeared in Katy’s “Last Friday Night” video), and she counts Lady Gaga as a fan. While Black has only made enough money to cover her future college tuition–and she’s certainly spending more than that on videos and career nurturers right now–she’s one of the few online sensations who could successfully harness the unending power of haters to her own advantage. [UpdatedNews]

If it’s haters you’re worried about, Rebecca, I hope that money does end up going towards college. There really do seem to be far fewer haters there, it’s the strangest thing. And hardly anyone has “RIP” in their YouTube or Twitter handles. Well, not counting Arizona State, anyway, but that’s less a college than a finishing school for porn stars.