How my version of the Bin Laden movie would go

As if it weren’t already depressing enough that 15 members of Seal Team 6 were among the 30 soldiers killed in a Chinook crash in Afghanistan last week, now Hurt Locker filmmakers Kathryn Bigelow and Mark Boal’s planned film about the Bin Laden assassination (Killing Bin Laden) is at the center of political fight (which are the gayest fights of all). In one of her typically long-winded columns of questionable import a few weeks ago, NY Times columnist Maureen Dowd (no one named ‘Maureen’ has ever said anything important – FACT) implied that Boal and Bigelow’s film was part of some perfectly-timed, Obama campaign PR push.

The White House is also counting on the Kathryn Bigelow and Mark Boal big-screen version of the killing of Bin Laden to counter Obama’s growing reputation as ineffectual. The Sony film by the Oscar-winning pair who made “The Hurt Locker” will no doubt [KEY PHRASE- Ed.] reflect the president’s cool, gutsy decision against shaky odds. Just as Obamaland was hoping, the movie is scheduled to open on Oct. 12, 2012 — perfectly timed to give a home-stretch boost to a campaign that has grown tougher.
The moviemakers are getting top-level access to the most classified mission in history from an administration that has tried to throw more people in jail for leaking classified information than the Bush administration.
It was clear that the White House had outsourced the job of manning up the president’s image to Hollywood when Boal got welcomed to the upper echelons of the White House and the Pentagon and showed up recently — to the surprise of some military officers — at a C.I.A. ceremony celebrating the hero Seals. [NYTimes]

Naturally, all Republicans heard there was “Obama administration sells out US Patriots to look cool for Hollywood Jew libruls.” Republican congressman (and possible future New York Senatorial candidate) Peter King was the first to call for a CIA investigation into whether the administration leaked classified information to Boal and Bigelow. Which they of course deny:

“Our upcoming film project about the decade long pursuit of bin Laden has been in the works for many years and integrates the collective efforts of three administrations, including those of Presidents Clinton, Bush, and Obama, as well as the cooperative strategies and implementation by the Department of Defense and the Central Intelligence Agency. Indeed, the dangerous work of finding the world’s most wanted man was carried out by individuals in the military and intelligence communities who put their lives at risk for the greater good without regard for political affiliation. This was an American triumph, both heroic and non-partisan, and there is no basis to suggest that our film will represent this enormous victory otherwise.” [IFC]

And of course, the information in question is classified, so they’ll be able to fight about it non stop without ever actually revealing what it is. Yay! Thus, a film that hasn’t even been made yet was drawn into an unwinnable political fight by a speculative trenditorial in the New York Times about a screenwriter attending a party. Le sigh. F*cking congress is worse than two nerds arguing whether Hulk Hogan could beat up Mighty Mouse these days. I’d almost rather write another “Arrested Development movie possible?” story than this.