Jesus, how many movies did Steven Soderbergh make this year? He already has Haywire, starring my burly pretend lover Gina Carano coming out in January, and now here’s a trailer for Contagion, which opens in September. Maybe this one didn’t take as long, seeing as how it looks exactly like Outbreak (Update: It has come to my attention that our friend Mike at Screenrant has put together a mash-up on this very subject). The downside is that it has Gwyneth Paltrow in it. The upshot is that she dies in the middle of the trailer. Someone must’ve finally called her bluff and gave her a choice between that or letting her kid eat Cup-O-Soup.
Also keep your eyes peeled for the “SO LET ME GET THIS STRAIGHT” scene at the 37-second mark. You know that scene. It’s where a minor character, who desperately craves clarification of something he already knows, prefaces a statement with “So let me get this straight…”, in order to deliver important exposition. It’s the fancy screenwriter way of saying, “Are you still with me here, dipsh*ts? Try to keep up.”
“SO LET ME GET THIS STRAIGHT: THERE’S A MISSILE THE SIZE OF THE CHRYSLER BUILDING FILLED WITH A DEADLY VIRUS… AND IT’S HEADED STRAIGHT FOR EIFFEL TOWER?”
“THAT’S RIGHT! …AND MY KID’S IN THERE!”
“LOOKS LIKE THIS TIME… IT’S PERSONAL.”
[next page: bonus gif]



New supercut: so let me get this straight…
Someone knock on Oliver’s basement door and wake him up!
“Is there any way someone weaponized the bird flu?”
“Someone doesn’t needs to weaponize the bird flu. The birds are doing that.”
And this is why I put cyanide in my bird feeders. To save humanity and not to just poison the birds so that the cats in my yard have a nasty surprise when they eat them.
Paltrow in Contagion is the new Paris Hilton in House of Wax.
Haywire, starring my burly pretend lover Gina Carano coming out in January…
C-Tates says fuck you 2, son, WHAT! PROTECT YO NECK!
i once knew a man who dreamt only of vaginas and hot pockets; that man was Gwyneth Paltrow
Jesus, how many movies did Steven Soderbergh make this year?
Not as many as Brett Ratner.
as an avid shut in, i think i would weather this virus fine.
The best part of Outbreak was when that monkey flipped out and pulled a vein out of that one dude’s neck.
Wait.
That never happened, Outbreak just sucked.
DIS IS WOT WE’RE DEALIN WIV ERE!!!
Jude Law seems to be abandoning his public-school-fag-speak and laying down some phat Statham right there. Bless.
Great, more viral marketing.
I’d like to think that aliens finally got their hands on War of the Worlds and were all “oh, you think infection is gonna keep us from enslaving humanity for use in our salt mines? Let’s just see who’s gonna be dying from an infection.” Oh snap.
Great. I just got finished 16 years of therapy from the time I tried to stab my eyes out after watching Outbreak. Don’t they know that disease movies are so 90′s? Zombies are the new, fresh idea that’s been sweeping Hollywood…for the last…God…forever. Never mind. I’m just going to stab my eyes out again.
Avian flu… John Hawkes… COINCIDENCE?
I’m sick of how Hollywood is always portraying viruses as evil. most viruses are hard-working law abiding citizens.
an avid shut in
that´s oliver´s nickname
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