George Clooney’s first movie as a director was Confessions of a Dangerous Mind, which was pretty solid, even if screenwriter Charlie Kaufman didn’t like the way he went with it. He followed that up with the critically-acclaimed Good Night and Good Luck (booooring…) and Leatherheads, an old-timey sh*tpile starring John Krasinski. Now he’s back sexing up the director’s chair in Ides of March, a political thriller based on the award-winning Beau Willimon play, Farragut North, which Clooney adapted with co-writer Grant Heslov. Baby Goose plays an idealistic campaign staffer for a first-time presidential candidate, played by George Clooney, who gets a “crash course on dirty politics.” Hey, girl, I know this negative campaigning’s really got you down, but cheer up, I wrote you a poem. It’s about spring.

Ides of March co-stars Phillip Seymour Hoffman, Marisa Tomei, and Paul Giamatti, which is a lot of talent to have in one room. Still, it could go either way. Clooney is one of those guys who might secretly be an idiot, but you’d never know because when you’re that handsome and charming, everything you say comes out sounding like genius insight. “My personal theory is that with the bigger bagels, you can fit more cream cheese.” Oh my God, isn’t he witty?!? Anyway, who am I kidding. I’d be happy if this film was just two hours of Baby Goose looking forlorn.

Aw, poor little butterscotch sundae, he looks so lonely! Quick, someone find Patches.