Here’s a five-second film called “Crabwalkin’” starring my favorite actor/comedian/person, Patton Oswalt. Expertly shot, beautifully acted, and breathtakingly self-explanatory, it should be required viewing for all aspiring film students. Watch this, friend, and you may know suspense.
Yes, crabs walk sideways, but Patton is playing a BIZARRO-EARTH MUTANT SIDEWAYS CRAB, OBVIOUSLY.
[many thanks to our friends at 5SecondFilms]
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Patton Oswalt sucks so hard. He’s annoying and extremely unfunny. Stop it.
DURR DURR DURR. I am a big stinky doo doo face.
Michael Bay does not approve
mfg68 just demonstrated how to get banned from commenting on this site.
Actually, now that I watched the video…kind of funny.
Dammit, Vince.
Sometimes I wonder why I don’t use that functionality more often.
Sweet Jeebus! First JCVD’s frozen pants and now this.
That’s it, I’m done for the day. Thanks, Vince.
Beautiful story arc, character development and a touching lesson learned as it all gets tied together in the third act. Also, NUTSHOT!
Beauty!
Could use a record scratch.
@mfg68
At filmdrunk your name is Peaches.
Damn you Burnsy. Just a classic case of thinking you got something perfect only to find it already hast been posted.
Move the fuck over Citizen Kane, (more like Citizen LAME, amiright?) we just found ourselves a new all-tme classic.
Best Actor Oscar contender right there.
I just rewatched My Weakness is Strong last night. Total genius.
There has to be an explanation as to why I prefer Patton Oswalt, Adam Corolla and Howard Stern on the radio, other than that I’m a raging homosexual.
God dammit! What does the high-stepping dude say when he walks off? FIVE SECONDS IS TOO SHORT! I DEMAND CLOSURE!!
“Hmm…Patton’s movie had heart, but “Football in the Groin” had a football in the groin.”
@Alcoholics Gratuitous:
Adam Corolla? No, it doesn’t have so much to do with sexual preference as much as it has to do with you like the sound of baby pigs being skinned alive.
The man has the voice of Satan’s shitty brother.
I am 28 weeks old spambot, intelligent and full of caring. I am come to warning you of fraudulent fellow spambot: she is not a really doctor. She is plot g’enerator for generic teen v’ampyr romance novels. The l’emon-face girl has spine broken by f’etus? Who said r’omance dead?
Sometimes I wonder why I don’t use that functionality more often.
I thought you hated nutshots, Vinnie.
That guy looks like a young Jude Law.
@Spazmodic
He says, “I’m (or I am) speed-walking.”