The FilmDrunk Comments Section: A Place for Drive-By Witticisms

Okay, folks, we’ve got two weeks worth of humorous commenting to get through, so we might as well get to it. But first, it’s our favorite spambot. Normally I’d delete these accounts, but this one, simply by combining a few lines of spam with a few lines copied from elsewhere on the page, is creating something bordering on art.

wanwow: I am a 28 years old doctor, mature and beautiful.and now I am seeking a good man who can give me real love , so i got a username Andromeda2002 on–s’e’ek’c’ou’ga’r.c óm–.it is the first and best club for y’ounger women and old’er men, or older women and y’ounger men,to int’eract with each other. Maybe you wanna ch’eck ‘it out or tell your friends!
I tried to have oral sex with a retarded guy. I told him to get to lickin’ and my windows have never been cleaner!

wanwow: I am a 28 years old doctor, mature and beautiful.and now I am seeking a good man who can give me real love , so i got a username Andromeda2002 on–s’e’ek’c’ou’ga’r.c óm–.it is the first and best club for y’ounger women and old’er men, or older women and y’ounger men,to int’eract with each other. Maybe you wanna ch’eck ‘it out or tell your friends!
Of course, the emotional climax would be a lot more effective, if one party wasn’t a f*cking horse.

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wanwow: I am a 28 years old doctor, mature and beautiful.and now I am seeking a good man who can give me real love , so i got a username Andromeda2002 on–s’e’ek’c’ou’ga’r.c óm–.it is the first and best club for y’ounger women and old’er men, or older women and y’ounger men,to int’eract with each other. Maybe you wanna ch’eck ‘it out or tell your friends!
I can’t wait for the biopic about her foot. How it was abused as a child, slept with a famous director, got pregnant, had an abortion, wound up in pedophilia porn, donned a wig and married Matthew Broderick.

And finally, this one even gets meta:

wanwow: I am a 28 years old doctor, mature and beautiful.and now I am seeking a good man who can give me real love , so i got a username Andromeda2002 on–s’e’ek’c’ou’ga’r.c óm–.it is the first and best club for y’ounger women and old’er men, or older women and y’ounger men,to int’eract with each other. Maybe you wanna ch’eck ‘it out or tell your friends!
Lindy’s back! Poop transplant news! Brendan saying “Bi-pedal Hominid”! Goddamnit, you guys are really outdoing yourselves here… Unless you get that sexy 28 year old spambot doctor blooped into the Frotcast next week, it’s gonna be hard to keep up this trend.

I may get a username on seekcougar.com just as a thank you for sending this brilliant spambot. Of course, there’s no substitute for a human touch.

From Chet Haze Show Not Particularly Off the Hook, Says Witness:

Michelle07: Awww SH*T! I missed this show? Damn, why nobody call DJ SkittleCoot?
My rhymes are so sweet and delicious.
I sneak in some zucchini so you know it’s nutritious.
Necco Necco wait for my Necco Necco wafer. Unh Unh yeah
*Drops Baby Ruth
I’m OUT!

From Egyptian Wannabe Pro Wrestler “Fights” Bored Lion:

DontDriveAngryEnt: “This is stupid, he’s yawning. Put down the plaster shield and the trident and…wait, he’s a jew lion? Stab that son-of-a-bitch in his Shylock cat nose!”

Stallonewolf: This guy’s gonna make a fortune off his “Muhammad Didn’t Tap” clothing line.

From Trailer for Spielberg’s War Horse, Which Looks Ridiculous and I Seem to be the Only One Saying So:

Ax Anderson: 
I am just gonna go ahead and imagine the hammy emotional dialog about the toil of war and horses.
-”If a man and a horse can get along… why can’t we?”
-”French, German, English… in the eyes of a horse we are all the same.”
-”Dammit, our boys are trapped in there. We need to send someone out there.”
“Sir, that’s no man’s land. They will be killed for sure.”
“That’s why we’re not sending a man. We’re sending a horse.”

That one’s not so much “funny” as it is accurate. I would be shocked if some variation of those lines aren’t actually in the movie.

From Three Musketeers Trailer Has Zeppelins Carrying Pirate Ships That Cannon Fight:

Stinky Peet: Starring Orlando Bloom as Sir Lindsay of Buckingham? Huh, I thought that was just rumours.

Yep, that was a Fleetwood Mac joke.  RELEVANT!

And finally, from Quentin Tarantino’s Blabby Chode-Hater Got Fired:

Pigpeen says: I hope someone’s there to consoli Beejoli, eh? *tosses pizza dough, which immediately gets stuck on ceiling* Crapoli!

It’s hard to go wrong with bad Italian accents, I always say.  In any case, that’s another week in the can. For next week, as always, try to paste your favorite comments in the comments section below, otherwise we might not remember them. And it would be a crime to waste a good bon mot about window licking or Juggalo jizz.